Who am I...

[Solus]

Authors Notes: Yeah this is abit impromtute but I wanted to write something about how I've been feeling latel

My eyes seem to bleed tears,
Solemn drops of clear blood.
My heart seems to hear,
but I am caught within my own flood.

I see what is not there,
I know what is not true,
I hear what others think,
I know what is not true.

A stage,
My feat,
My mercy ground,
Where I can face the world.
Take on Hermes feet I fly,
Power on my finger curled.
Then there she is,
She smiles nice.
I choke,
I frown,
Then blink.
She's not there.
So I start again and she sit's again still here!

I choke,
I tear,
I pale.

I see what is not there,
I know what is not true,
I hear what others think,
I know it can't be you.

Gah how spiteful you did make me.
I quivered in my stead palm.
Bah how bite I in my own flesh
You did not make my psalm.

You think you made me,
Thought you brade me,
Thought I took your advice...

Well here's a lesson,
take your fret and
place it out of sight!

I'm done with you,
I'm done right through,
I've moved on
Burnt your gifts.

Prehaps you broke me,
You stabbed and stoke me,
now I'm a dead man in the mist.

I smile I move,
I laugh I shout,
You crusified my pride.
Show me heaven and give me hell
You brought me close to suicide.

Heaven take me Hell but Singe my ever moving feet.

I'm flying, dying, moving, prooving that I'm just moving over sleet.

I saw you justly, you entered my mind.
I quivered, I turned down.
I saw you being, you where still kind.
I was burnt alive then crowned.

A king of nothing, a king of sinners,
I threw down my septer and sword.
If you taught me, you taught me justly.
I care not for what I was taught.

To live and love, to care above.
The dark flames now incase.
I exit my mind, my angelic wings,
now clipped on my fast pace.

Author's Note: I can't do the rest in a metaphorical poetry anymore

This might seem far fetched but this is all feelings left over from paranoia about my last girlfriend... my new beloved is kind and understanding but I have a fear she'll find out exactlly how far messed up I was over the holiday period... I was really... well... Willow Witch was there for most of it but... Yeah...

I committed suicide... I've kinda wanted to tell someone for awhile and now I'm telling alot of people aroudn the world. I died... My parents didn't find me for two hours, or atleast... well... I dunno... This is the part that's weird...

I know what happened... I climbed into a bath, I was fully clothed and I put my head under the water and inhaled. What I saw for the next what seemed like eternity was the results and effects of my death... The entire time I knew I was lying there in that bath tub, I knew I was dead but I could see the months afterwards... I saw my funeral, I saw my friends get angry and one completely have a mental breakdown. I saw how it tore appart a relationship. I saw how my parents broke down and couldn't cope... I saw a friend over dose two years from the day and my closest friend being instetutionalised for mental insanity. Then I was lying there... in that bath... there was no water around me... nothing... no divine message telling me what I was meant to do or where I was meant to go just a horrid pain in my neck... Five seconds later I vomitted up the entire contense of my stomache which included alot of water. finally... I filled up the bath slightly wanting to try again before I stopped and threw up in the bath... I washed out the bath and went for a walk...

This is only the second time I've talked about it... Quiet frankly I think it is insanity... A friend said perhaps it was what ever devine spirit saying "You got something to live for" and now I think I know that I do...

But still... I can't keep it bundled up forever. Don't comment, don't suggest. I just needed to say something.