On a roller coaster- and I wish I were off!

[Beadingbritt]

I just need to vent and get this out there. I think.

At 16, I was hospitalized for suicidal behavior, and they sent me to the inpatient ward at the Children's hospital.
I was there for a week.

Having a 16 year old, suicidal, former anorexic rooming with a twelve year old anorexic is a terrible idea, in case you're curious. I just got jealous of her, ridiculous as it is.

Cocktail after cocktail of pills later, nothing worked. I spent over a year completely off all meds, and it was actually better than with the antidepressants most of the time. So they sent me to a psychiatrist who knew what she was doing, and the had the sense to test me for more than your basic seratonin imbalance depression.

I'm bipolar, not depressed. My boyfriend is amazingly supportive, and so is my mom, but my dad and his family keep telling me to get over myself. One grandma actually told me to stop being a hypochondriac and insisted it was a misdiagnosis- again.
But I'm a rapid cycler, which means it's fast swings, and they're nearly unpredictable.
Loss of control was always terrifying of me (it's why I was anorexic in the first place) and I'm fighting going back to it with every fiber of my being.

This is not at all fun.

[TheGirlOfSecrets]

oh dear, hope you're ok, if you need some support, or someone to talk to, I'm here for you, just message me if you want

[Starwitch]

I'm sorry you're having such a bad time of it, Britt. Hopefully you'll find the right meds to even out your moods. Maybe meditation would help some too, I don't know. It's probably worth a try though. We're here for you if you need to talk.

[Lillady]

I am so sorry to hear of your situation my dear. I know it must be frustrating. Bi-polar and manic-depression both run in my family. I have been told I am borderline but I am the type I refuse to drug myself. I stick to my anxiety medication and thats about it. Everyone is differrent though. I am glad you got this off your chest. WIth all the technology in the medical field now, all i can say is stay strong and keep fighting. I know it gets tough but you will conquer it. Keep your head up! Blessed Be.

[Vesca]

It always amazes me how insensitive people can be sometimes; however it's not an uncommon thing for earlier generations (grandparents) to feel that mental illness isn't really anything but attention-seeking and that mental health professionals are all "quacks." Luckily the numbers seem to indicate that those attitudes are dwindling in rank over recent years.

Your resolve to get yourself into a healthier state of mind is impressive, keep doing that! It's going to be hard, and you know it is, but the more you work with your therapist and make sure he/she knows what is/isn't working, the easier it will be to get there.

And don't worry, you're not the only one to ever go through this so there will always be other people who will really understand your challenges.