Finding My Goddess

[Thistle]

Alright. In some ways I feel like I lean towards Agnostic, because I have moments where I feel so unsure. Though in other ways, I feel like I know something is out there. I see all gods and goddesses as connected. I just read in another post (I think firebirdflys said it) about all of them a rainbow, all from the same light. Something like that. I really liked that analogy. My thoughts and feelings...so contradictory sometimes. My life during my time since I initially started on my path has been very chaotic. I figure that as something to do with it. I just want some peace and balance. I'm working hard towards it. So onto my actual reason for posting...Aphrodite.

When I was first starting my path, I did this thing suggested to me with reading about gods/goddesses and taking note of ones that 'said something to me'. Writing those down on index cards, and going through and figuring out which had the strongest pull. Perhaps my wanting very much to be in the Celtic pantheon made this a bit tough. I did end up with Athena, though. However, I remember having a strong pull towards Aphrodite, though I think resisted it a bit. I ended up going with Athena because I have always valued wisdom. She will always have a special place in my heart, but it didn't really last...and I ended up connecting some with Brigid after feeling some pull reading through my book dealing with Celtic gods/goddesses. Another who will have a place in my heart, though again that connection didn't really last. As I said, my life has been very chaotic and I've been confused on a lot things. I have done very little on my path over the past couple years. I've been struggling a lot. I'm trying to reconnect to my path and find that balance I strive for. I'd been drawn toward Norse related things, so I researching those gods/goddesses. I was feeling somewhat drawn to Freyja. Somehow, that led me to Aphrodite. I even did this thing associating a goddess with your birth date out of curiosity. I got an eastern love goddess that associated with Aphrodite when I was researching her, since I hadn't heard of her.

In the past, I feel like I was perhaps trying to have some control. I like having control, though life may have been teaching me lately, I really don't have much. I'm working really really hard on letting go and letting things happen...following my path where it leads, and stop trying to control so much. Remembering the strong pull towards her I had in the beginning, I'm beginning to think perhaps she's been reaching out to me. Gave me time to learn to chill a bit, and now is trying again. Maybe all along she's been that part of the rainbow I'm supposed to be connecting to. I'll mention yesterday, I was watching Mamma Mia, and when they mentioned Aphrodite, I remember smiling and having kind of a warm feeling. Perhaps that was something too. Also, there have been moments where she popped up for me during my time not really focused on my path.

I'm planning on doing some meditating today, and perhaps some tarot. I am really thinking she's been reaching out to me though.

[Sakura Blossom]

Hey, Thistle!

I want to say that I was in a similar boat! I actually refused to work with any God or Goddess because I was agnostic at the time and didn't think that these Gods and Goddesses in mythologies could possibly be real. It wasn't until Loki came to me in the form of a woman, trolling me into thinking he was Brigid of the Celtic Pantheon, that I really began to believe in other deities.

Sometimes it just happens when you aren't searching and least expect it. It sounds like you've hit the nail on the head with what you need to do and who might be waiting for you. (: Chances are, if you enjoy Aprhodite and feel this way when her name is mentioned, then perhaps she's meant to work with you. Definitely do your meditating and try tarot! Those are both the things I do when I need guidance and to meet with someone.

I actually use Tarot to talk to my deities and it works superbly for me.

Don't be upset if you don't get anything from them, though. Things happen when they're meant to and I think you'll find what you need in due time! (:

Let us know what you find out!

[Blackthorn]

I love the way you describe how you felt when Aphrodite was mentioned. I think you should definitely explore those feelings

I had a similar leaning towards agnosticism for awhile. Straying from my path happened for a lot of reasons, but I think part of it was because I tried to force myself to connect with a particular pantheon. Working with druidry, and being of celtic heritage, I wanted so bad for there to be a connection with these particular gods. I tried reaching out to them on numerous occasions but never felt anything back that made me feel like there was anything actually there. Maybe similar to what you describe as trying to have too much control. I diverged from druidry for quite a few years due to experiences in my life, and when I finally made my way back to the path, I once again automatically tried to connect with Brigid, Cernnunos, Cerridwen, etc. to no avail. It seems really weird to say, but at the time it never occurred to me to ever try to look at a different pantheon because the celtic side of things felt like where I had to be. So I inadvertently closed myself off, by not opening myself up and letting my meditations take me outside my very celtic box. I wasn't letting go and letting things happen, as you say so eloquently in your post!

Anyway, I decided to let go of the celtic pantheon and instead of searching elsewhere I just went to agnosticism, and skepticism. I felt like, "I didn't feel anything, I feel like I'm playing make believe with myself." I sat in this place for awhile, feeling spiritually bereft, until I discovered Freyja in my life. I can't even describe how it happened, or at what point my curiousity piqued, or when she originally appeared. It seemed to happen through my sub-conscious first, maybe through dreams I didn't remember.

So yes, I would also like to know how your meditation and tarot turned out. And where you feel you are now with Aphrodite.

(Sorry if this ramble didn't make much sense, I haven't had my coffee yet!)

[Thistle]

Nice to know I'm not alone in the agnostic feeling, only to have one pop up. I did do my tarot and meditation! I'm quite terrible at meditation, but I do my best. I played some ocean music, with dolphins. Held a seashell, and focused on her. I actually managed to relax more so than usual. I got this feeling...almost like the feeling of a hug? I just lay there for a bit until my dog decided it was time for me to be done. lol

Then I did some Tarot. I'm still fairly new to tarot, so it's all a learning experience. I did some past/present/future. It seemed to tell me that while I have struggled and been trapped, I'm on the right path now, and that I just need to be careful or I'll fall back into my old ways. I did a few solo cards, focusing on Aphrodite. I'm still working on my interpreting, but I came away feeling very positive. It feels right. So I am planning on working with it more. It's kind of a busy week with bf's brother and his family in town. I keep taking moments, reaching out to her, and I always get a good feeling when I do. So I definitely believe I'm meant to stick with her.

Okay, story time. Looking up her correspondences, I saw rose quartz mentioned. When I was a kid, I once found a piece of rose quartz laying in the gravel driveway. Now, I always had a slight obsession with rocks so I would have noticed it. It seemed to come out of nowhere to me. I had it for many years. Then it got lost in a move. It has always bothered me that I lost it. I don't know if it has anything to do with my path (I'm pretty sure I was always Pagan, I just needed to discover it) but it just came to mind when I was reading it.

Also, ramble away. I think most my posts are just rambling. lol I need coffee too....

[Blackthorn]

Fascinating about the rose quartz! I love stuff like that. Little things that connect our past with our present in little ways that we couldn't have even conceived of at the time.

[Sakura Blossom]

The little things like the rose quartz build up over time when you keep track in a journal of daily experiences. ^_^ You may find that things happening in your daily life may pertain to her and not even realize it! I'm glad this was fruitful for you and I hope you continue to learn!

[Thistle]

Oh yes! ^^ I've been thinking back over the years, and it does seem like perhaps she's always been there, in some way. I found my list from when I was first trying to see about a connection. I may look into Apollo and Hermes, as they both held a pull for me. I was more focused on a Goddess though.

[Seraphin]

When I first started reading about the Deities whom I'm attracted to (The first ones were Nergal, Baal, Asherah, Ashtaroth and M'rodakh/Marduk). It made me realize how many times They have tried to contact me, but I wasn't aware of it. That morning, I asked for a sign of Their presence, and four of Them made their presence known to me and gave me a healing. It was wonderful! All what I did that time was just anticipate that the Deities want to help me and talk to me. Anything that I could ask Them for was infinitesimally small compared to what They had already given to me. I was just not aware. Perhaps you could do that too!

If we don't expect the good, in my experience, the Deities aren't going to invade our space. They want us to connect to Yet They want us to work for that understanding.

By not answering me, I believe the Deities are telling me that I've got some issue that needs to be work out, that I need to change something in myself. That's doing me a big favor for me. Because if They wouldn't do that, most probably I'd just remain stuck in my illusions, unclear on the idea what my Deities can do or if They can really do it or not.

If you have some challenges ahead of you now it's the perfect time to ask Aphrodite (or even Apollo) to work with you, instead of always feeling you have to go it alone. Trust me, it's very comforting.

[Thistle]

That's kind of what I'm doing. Reaching out...I know Aphrodite is there, but I'm waiting to see if Apollo or Hermes responds in some ay. I've read they work well together, so perhaps it'll be both? I'm just really trying to follow what comes and not try to force anything. It's taken me awhile to realize the connection with Aphrodite. Hers has been the strongest. I've been dealing with a lot, and really trying to better myself and I think that's perhaps why she's reaching out again. I'm more open now and accepting.

[Seraphin]

Nice to know Thistle! I believe Deities have all the right connections. They know how to get our attention. They send a red light to refocus us and see them in some seemingly mundane aspects of our lives.

It's a pleasure being in touch with our Deities, isn't it?

[Thistle]

It is nice.