Absinthe's Journal of Dreams

[Absinthe]

So I have decided to force myself to keep a record of my dreams and what better place to do that than here on a site I enjoy and spend most of my time on

So for an old dream:
In this dream I met an old lady wearing a shoal with long white/blonde hair, she had a grand presence about her.
I was with two other people in her house and the room we were in had books everywhere piled high. She took an interest in me and wanted to tutor me, I'd be her apprentice.
I don't remember much else of the dream just that she gave me a bangle.
I later found a silver bangle similar to the one from the dream that I now keep on my altar.
I think she represented the crone aspect of myself.
The higher self stepping forward and saying its time to study and get more serious about my path and spirituality.
To work harder to reach and contact my higher self.
Since I had that dream I have been working harder and studying, becoming more dedicated.
The knowledge we seek is within us if only we learn to unlock it.

[Absinthe]

I lost some of it upon waking this morning so its not all here was a strange awesome dream.

In the dream I had helped a man with black hair.
I then appeared at a flat, walking up the stairs I went into some sort of trance that shook the metal stairs in the bolts threatening to fall.
Inside the flat I was working with a tattoo machine(tweaking it I think).
In the dream we all went to sleep, my fiance and daughter(she was in baby form again) and something happened in my sleep that shook the building again waking me up.
The building started to collapse, I suddenly was able to pick up my fiance and daughter effortlessly and carry them both out of the flats as the slept.

It was a strange dream, probably has something to do with the current situation we are in *loosing our home, *feeling like I can't provide for them properly yet, *lifting my fiance and my daughter in baby form is me wanting to protect them and seeing her as a baby again is how I will always see her.
The tattoo machine has to do with something very important(I'm unable to talk about it yet, scared I jinx it)
the dream has to do with me being scared of failure, scared of not finishing what I'm doing, even though I know I can do it, and be successful.
The collapsing building to me has to do with that fear of failing, but the fact I was strong enough to get them both out tells me I have the strength within me to accomplish whatever I set my mind to and protect and provide for them.

[Absinthe]

A dream from when I was 7.
It was a dream I would return at will to, so I often visited this dream.
There was a wonderful giant ladybug who had many little ladybug children.
She lived in a giant toadstool in the grasslands.
I'd go for tea and to play with the children often. It was a safe place I went to as a child.
I often out of the dreams played with the many ladybugs we had in the garden so it could have been my over active child's imagination.
Though I still remember one day sitting in the car with my real mother telling her I was able to control my dreams, to fly and create at will, to be able to return and continue a dream. I think I had embarrassed her in front of the man driving the car who ever he had been.
I'd always been a strange child who went off on my own and created my own games. I was told that I always had a story to tell.
Strange though that once we grow we try to conform and let go of that wonderful imagination we once had as children. Maybe that is why as a child our dreams are pure magick we could do anything in.
Maybe if we allowed ourselves to see the world as children do, we would find our imaginations grow once more and we would be in awe of what we could do.
We grow old and bitter and start seeing the world worn and washed out.
We see the terrible things that happen to us and others that every day becomes another drag in our existence. Just because we grow up doesn't mean the child within should disappear.
Just my thought for today, see the world as your children see it, doesn't mean forget humanities horrible flaws, but dream and use your imagination

[Absinthe]

I haven't been online for a while, just so much going on.
As for dreaming, I stopped for a while. Then the nightmares started.
In my nightmares I am trapped in the house I grew up in once more being abused and living like an someone who doesn't exist. Trapped with them, the step mother who in my dreams puts broken glass into my food, the brother who never can see her for her true form, the father who's in the background somewhere in the house only there to install fear and control me.
The step brother...always glaring, scheming, ignorant and cruel. Just like his mother.
And I'm stuck, not able to escape.
My mind reverts to my 13 year old self once more, unable to stop the abuse, unable to tell someone what's happening.
I'm alone again in the nightmares, nameless and a failure. Trying to fight back, swim upstream, tell the truth but I'm oppressed. Silenced.
The nightmares are there waiting for me every night, I go to bed later and later hoping to shorten their duration. Doesn't help.
I'm violated again, my mind tormenting me with the past. I hate ptsd, I don't want to remember these horrible things, I want to look forward and not back at all the chaos I left behind.

[mrsdavid1975]

I have PTSD as well. ... I have these dreams when I'm triggered by a loss of control in my daily life. .. Sometimes even when things seem too good to be true. .. Lately ,The most recurring event is my being able to LEAVE. When I want. I'm still a child in the dream and I turn immediately into someone who has options. .. Before you sleep. Remind yourself. .. "I am free. .. I can leave that situation now. ". We couldn't as children. We had no choice. But now we can make life as beautiful as we wish. * hugs* to you. I swear I know what you're going through. .. Message me anytime ya need an ear.

[Absinthe]

Thank you mrsdavid1975, its great to know that it can get better and that your not alone. I recently joined some ptsd groups as well as adult survivors of abuse groups and honestly it does help, still hard to talk about it or how I feel about it all but I'm getting there slowly.
Gonna take your advice now as I'm about to go to sleep, "I am free. .. I can leave that situation now. ".
You are right about that, I just need to remind myself.
Thanks for the ear

[mrsdavid1975]

You're always welcome. [WHITE SMILING FACE]️

( what tha doodles ? Apparently that emoji doesn't work properly. Hahaha. )

[Absinthe]

In a recent dream, my step mother had put broken glass in a plate of food and placed it between my little brother and me. I realized there was glass in it and tried to warn him to what was happening, to warn him about what she was doing but he wouldn't listen and just kept eating.
The dream ended.
I think it has to do with me not being brain washed anymore, seeing her and that family for what they are and no one believing me or listening to me. I've gotten away, the dreams of her and being there again disturbs me.
I feel like my mind is starting to reveal things that I couldn't see when I was so brain washed.