Mental Illness interfering with learning and practicing

[jaybirdblue]

So to start off, I have bipolar disorder and ptsd. Though I am currently getting treatment I still have mood cycles that greatly effect my life and recently Ive even been having mild visual hallucinations.
Because of the way that my mood fluctuates, its been really hard to stay consistent in learning more about religious practices and witchcraft. I go from very VERY interested, soaking up lots of information and being very passionate about what I'm doing, to being completely exhausted, barely able to get out of bed, and I just forget everything I've learned. Obviously, this is a problem with my spiritual progression as well as just my everyday life.
So Im already doing everything I can medically to deal with this, but does anyone have any ideas on how to solve the problem of keeping my learning a bit more stable?
Also, is it a bad idea to practice magic at all when I am in an extremely high or low mood state?
Thank you!

[Kassandra]

I go from very VERY interested, soaking up lots of information and being very passionate about what I'm doing, to being completely exhausted, barely able to get out of bed, and I just forget everything I've learned...is it a bad idea to practice magic at all when I am in an extremely high or low mood state?

Yin Magic(So to Speak)

I think most creative people (witches, writers, musicians, etc.) tend toward the bipolar naturally. We ebb and flow, like Nature, because we are Nature. Nothing to be ashamed of, or worried about, really. It's your natural energy pattern. Resist fighting against it, or letting it overwhelm you; learn to work in concert with it.

During extremes, I would say enjoying the Yin, passive, "feeling" side of witchcraft would be the best for you, rather than involving yourself in the Yang, spell casting, interacting with "spirits" and whatnot, side of it. Only do the Yang side when you feel stable and balanced. Otherwise, yeah, the hallucinations and delusional thoughts during extremes could potentially be harmful, even dangerous to you, and maybe even others. I would recommend refraining. During those times, I recommend just "relaxing into" the rhythms of Mother Nature. I call this "nature surfing," where figuratively-speaking I spread my arms, relax into a fall, and let Nature catch me, carry me and heal me. I don't "do," I let myself just "be" during those times. I take lots of walks in parks, etc.



Out of Your Head, into Your Body

For instance, enjoy the Sabbats. People forget that celebrating and enjoying the Wheel of the Year is still "practicing witchcraft." If you're a "down-low" witch, then just indulge in the mainstream holidays right along with everyone else (they are, after all, based on pagan holidays anyways, most of the same paraphernalia, just different back story). Get out of your head (that's the important thing), and into your body by indulging in the sights, smells and tastes of the seasons and holidays. During winter, for example, pick some fresh pine branches and put them on your altar or your desk, and let that scent fill the room. Boil and drink great-smelling ciders, eat apples, Christmas candies, etc.



Place Marker

Also, if you haven't created one already, I think a Book of Shadows, as people call it, would be a really "grounding" tool for you. It could be a constant in the variables of your mood fluctuations. It'll help you with that "now where was I, again?" dissociation you probably experience. Then, when you go low into depression you have a record of where you were at, and when you come back up into mania, and have a lot of energy, you could work on what you wrote about previously. That will help ground you when you feel you've "forgotten everything" you've learned, serving as a place marker to help you remember. Think of other tools to help like this, and strive to manage your energy accordingly. Above all, love yourself.


Hope something of that helps. I'm sure others will chime in with helpful suggestions for you, as well.

Be well.



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[jaybirdblue]

I think a lot of this is a good idea. Being more diligent in writing things down in my book of shadows seems like a good way to record things so that I don't just totally lose them, and enjoying the physical parts of seasons, events, etc. but I don't really think that letting my moods do their thing is a good idea.
Allowing myself to ride along with my moods can be kind of dangerous. Like, something as simple as relaxing and letting myself sleep in to enjoy the weekend, or just have a lazy day, can actually throw me into a full blown depressive episode. And getting too exited over anything,even small things,can be the first sign that I'm going into a manic or hypo-manic state. I mean, these are actual biological triggers. I HAVE to be hyper critical about my mood and emotions because if I miss a sign that my brain is cycling and I don't immediately try to counteract it, it can escalate to a very destructive place incredibly fast.
So, "nature surfing" isn't really an option, but writing will help I think.

[Vesca]

Since you seem to have an understanding of what happens and why, and what doesn't work. It may be worth exploring things that you've done in your life so far that have seemed to help you stay on task, focused, or may be a different method of moving forward during different cycles (i.e. Reading during the up phase, writing during the down phase).

[jaybirdblue]

That sounds like a good idea! Thank you!

[Owlith]

I am in what I call an 'on hold' phase at the moment due to depression/anxiety and changes of medication. At the moment I am just taking in nature around me. Sitting infront of my altar with candles burning and music.

I

[JH]

Oh, man, that sounds rough. I would suggest "sowing into rest," so you can reap the harvest of it. Sometimes rest in the difficult moments, makes the regular moments truly useful and productive. Rest brings hope and peace and fulfills us. Last year was a Sabbath year, and this year is the 50th Year of Jubilee (which is every 50 years - so it's a fifty of fifties), which makes it a huge year for rest and rejoicing. In other words, this is a season for rest and renewal. Sow into rest - you will benefit from the harvest of joy that brings great healing and accomplishment.

[Becks]

. Last year was a Sabbath year, and this year is the 50th Year of Jubilee (which is every 50 years - so it's a fifty of fifties), which makes it a huge year for rest and rejoicing.

Interesting! I have never heard this term.

[JH]

. Last year was a Sabbath year, and this year is the 50th Year of Jubilee (which is every 50 years - so it's a fifty of fifties), which makes it a huge year for rest and rejoicing.

Interesting! I have never heard this term.

Yeah, it's weird. It like all lines up with ancient prophecies and stuff. I've been reading a lot about it lately because EVERY time I would lament to any random person at all (who knew me or not) that I couldn't hear God's voice anymore all year (I accidentally reach angry demons that strangle me instead), each person I told would suddenly get the sense that they were supposed to tell me that I was being called to learn how to rest. (This has happened like 20 times now.) EVEN the TV would say it when I start to talk about it!!! So I've been researching rest and what the supernatural ramifications of that are. Smh. I think I'm supposed to learn to just rest in what I already know is true when it's difficult to act on it or learn more about it. Hmm...I wonder if I understand it though.

Heres a website about that Sabbath stuff if you're curious. http://www.pray4zion.org/thecomingshemi ... 57745.html

[Wandering Warlock]

So Im already doing everything I can medically to deal with this, but does anyone have any ideas on how to solve the problem of keeping my learning a bit more stable?

What is your diet like?

Processed foods and high intakes of refined sugar can be highly detrimental to those with mental illnesses. If you haven't already, try cutting these out of your diet and then reevaluate your feelings.

[Firebird]

Good point there Wandering Warlock, Psycology Today had this to say about it:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/wh ... tal-health
The brief time I was able to go without sugar I psycially felt better than I ever had, and suprisingly enough by day 3 I had no real desire for sugar at all. Didn't stick with it long enough to notice if it affected my mental health. Think the wheat may be a factor too. Since it causes inflammation stands to reason it would inflame the brain causing trouble.
Bb, Firebird