Some Advice please...

[enchanteress91]

hello.
well, i have a friend, one of my absolute best, who is suicidal. i try to help her non-stop, i'm always talking to her and giving her advice. she says she can trust me and everything, but i think she's getting tired of me always sounding like i know what i'm talking about. ( i do tend to go off on little rambles about why someone did what, or why something happened, because i study psychology.)

her life has been tough, her mother left the family to go with an abusive boyfriend, her father is abusive.. her first love cheated on her, left her, took her back, and left her again. her next boyfriend started off as a really good friend, but when they started going out, he turned abusive and very dark and twisted. it's started happening to her new boyfriend. my first question is: why do all her boyfriends turn messed up? her current boyfriend was perfectly happy, and now that they're going out, he's turned completely suicidal! i don't think i'll get an answer for that, so here is my real question.

my close friend cuts herself constantly. i was wondering what to do, i've told her everything i knew, anything i could think of. but she's unconvinced, nothing works. i know it doesn't have the power to change it completely, but would casting a "to brake a bad habit spell" work?

Does anyone have any alternatives or suggestions? thank you.

[elizabeth0126]

Instead of jumping from guy to guy like it sounds like she is doing she needs to take some time out for herself. I know some of us can't do that though, we feel like we need to have a guy in our life, but really we don't. When I was 16 I went through the whole suicidal and cutting part of my life. For me nothing really helped. Everyone was always telling me that I didn't need to do that and so on. I tried counseling, I tried meds. It didn't work for me. And some people it just doesn't. What changed my life was my little girl. Life does get better with time. I am now 21, married, have my wonderful little girl, and I havent cut in 3 years. Cutting is like a drug addiction. Once you start it its soooooo hard to stop. I know some people do not understand that, but when you have done it and had to stop you will realize how hard it is to stop. Even now to this day when I get real upset I still think about it. But I will not give into my weakness, because if I do, then I will start it all over again.
For your friend you can try to go get to get help, it may and may not work, it doesn't for everyone. The best thing you can do is stay by her side, be there for her, and love her like a true friend should.

[enchanteress91]

Thank you for the advice, I really appreciate you sharing your story with me. and thank you for connecting to her experience and understanding her difficulty to be alone. i've tried to tell her many times, that she needs to love herself before others can fill the void for her, but she says she'd sooner kill herself than be alone, so i've run out of answers.
thank you for making it seem like there is hope yet. i was beginning to lose faith, i guess. i'll do my best to be there for her. your words have lifted some of the weight off my shoulders.

[elizabeth0126]

I know it's hard dealing with someone like that. I think back now of what I put my friends and family through, I wish I could take it back now.
I know guys make us do such stupid things, but it usually takes us awhile to learn that we can live without them. She really does need to try to leave the guys alone and get her head on straight, but again.....I know thats easier said than done.
My little sister is 13, and already going through the things I did, but she started younger. I wish I could just shake her and make her realize that guys are not everything.
I know it is very hard, but the only thing you really can do is see if she will get help, and if not just be there for her. Because one day she will come out of it and she will thank you for always being a true friend.

[Aryiok]

My heart goes out to you on this one. But you do need to stay by her side and help her feel she is not alone. I've known a couple cutters and for some, the reason they do it is to feel the pain. I too wish I could open up some of these peoples heads and pour in some knowledge of the fact that life does get better. But I guess this experience is just part of growing up for some. Please keep talking to her though, on some level she'll be eternally grateful.

[brokenxdreams]

If you do a spell so that she'd stop cutting herself, who's to say she won't find another way to hurt herself? She could start hitting herself, she could purposly get beaten up, etc. If you stop cutting yourself, that doesn't mean you are no longer suicidal.

Try getting her into counseling. Try talking to her more. Just do anything that you think would help her more.

I'm very sorry and hope that it gets better

-brokenxdreams-

[enchanteress91]

Thanks, I needed this.
And, brokenxdreams, thanks as well. i never thought about the consequences of something like that. i guess it's true that everything has a negative reaction. thank you for the insight everyone!

[Rein]

Seriously, all you can do is give her support and try to get her help....I had a friend just like that once. My best friend I've known forever, Vanessa, went through a time when all she wanted to do was die. She would talk about it constantly, and it would bother me because I'd wake up every day wondering if she'd gone through with it. Trust me, do all you can and continue being there for her. If she realizes that there are people that love and care about her then maybe she wouldn't be so quick to wish for death.

Melissa