What we'll never have

[Daughter of Dreams]

I used to have the whole rainbow range of emotions in technicolour...but they faded over time. The tears washed them away...and left me with grey empty limbo.

You doubt me in every shade of black and white.

You mock me in silence with that half-damned smile.

Your close enough to touch and hold, and so far that I could drown in this emptiness between us.

If I could I'd remember the worst and forget the rest I would, but being so near you makes that impossible.

Such a decietful trap you laid and caught me in, then forgot me and left promptly as the next treasure to come passed by. And Im still stuck in the lure you laid out....stuck and trailing after you half blind...waiting to breath again. Should I have expected anything else? I know you so well by now.

And the lies between us bond us closer then anything else -love and hate could never weave so closely- or snare so successfully.

So I'll paint the mask, the lie and hide myself beneath it again. Then I can pretend it doesnt hurt....how you'll talk about your latest fancy girl, how I'll smile and congratulate you. Pretend my hearts not breaking. Cos everythings okay when you cant feel. Swallow the pill.
And it'll all work out in the end. Finish the drink.
Coz now Im free to mingle. We never had anything anyway...so why should it hurt? The maybe's, could-have-beens, and should-haves will fade in time.Cut a little deeper

Red's a good colour on me. Maybe I'll wear the red dress tonight. When we go out to supper. Let it fall to the floor when your ready to massage me after I've given you one. Have you caress my skin, silky smooth. And when your done, I'll dress again and pretend its fine. That I dont want more from you. Because I have nothing left to give to anyone. You took it all. And I cant get it back. Death by silence.

I stare at my lost dreams every day when I see you. Another sip of alcohol. And Im good with that. Another bottle of pills. And I float through life in a daze, unaware of anyone or anything but you. Cut a little deeper...blood flows out a little darker

I'll be someone else's Jezebel...another man's girl...but you'll always be my shadow over freedom. And I know I'll never be free. All the light in the world could never match my darkness, only throw shadows onto a broken corpse. Lifeless body. Empty eyes. Aching heart. Devoid of all emotions once bitterness, anger and lonliness faded. Everything has a price.

Someone help me break this cycle before I pick my own path. The lonely mountain path with only one outcome. Another sip of alcohol, another box of pills and one last cut is all it takes to silence all the fears.......

Gomenasai

I wrote this two weeks ago. After a complicated situatuion with a very good friend. Dont judge me too harshly..This is raw emotion and over exaggerated feelings. Thanks.

[Sobek]

"You doubt me in every shade of black and white."

that line had a lot of power.

"So I'll paint the mask..." there on is where i started to like it, started to feel and tear up a little...7.5/10

[Sercee]

You'll find no judgement from me, daughter of dreams.

That's horribly beautiful, and I'm sorry that you were feeling anything that made that come out. If I had to rate it, I'd agree with Sobek - 7.5/10. But I don't really rate this stuff... but I do want to give you a hug, now! *HUG*

[Daughter of Dreams]

Awww...*Sniffs*

Thanks guys.

*Hugs back*

Im still trying to get over it.... Its hard to hide your emotions. Especially when you spend time with the person who broke your heart.

[BabyGirl131519]

I can really identify with your emotions - Actually I was chilled while reading it. Yes, I know that others in this world are always going through a lot in this world, but I am always surprised when someone goes through what I am or have. Everything that you wrote hits home with me. I am sorry that you had to endure that pain. I am thankful that you shared it with us though. It helps to write when you are hurting - does it not?