Is she calling me back?

[[GeekyPagan]]

I have been lurking (again) for the past few days. Some people may remember me and some may not. It feels good to be back here again. Anyway.

I still wander around life unhappy when comes to spirituality, half way between Christian, and feeling the pull from the Goddess. And lately, I think she's been calling me back, sending me...I don't know, signs. Really subtle ones.

I was packing up to move from my childhood home, really quite upset. I just finished college and I am not adjusting to this growing up thing. I miss my old room and old life. Anyway, I was feeling really sad, tired and overwhelmed, when as I was cleaning out my sock drawer...my old pentagram dropped out of on to my hand. I was kind of stunned because I thought I lost it or threw it away. I thought "whatever" and pocketed it despite myself.

That night I go to a Coffee House sponsored by the Church I go to. I was gaining a headache as it was loud. Feeling lonely, and realizing that these people could careless if I was there or not, I decided to get some coffee (well, it was a coffee house ). As I reached into my pocket for change, I pull out the pentagram. Again, I was finding reminders and come comfort when I was feeling crappy.

Yesterday at work, a coworker said something interesting to me. Out department manager, a very nosy man, had apparently asked my co worker if he knew I was a witch or not, as in Wiccan. I couldn't help but feel pleased at this really strange out of the blue question. All I could say was sigh alittle too sadly and say "I was".

So now I am wondering, is the Goddess calling back her wayward daughter? And if she does...well...there is a whole host if problems that can crop up. But I can't deny how pleased it made me feel and really happy. I believe in symbols and signs. Especially material ones. I stopped wearing my cross. My pentagram still resides in my pocket.

Any thoughts?

[Revolpathon]

either she is calling you back, or those are allot of coincidence's (well 2 at least )

what's holding you back from the wiccan path to be so "wanderingly" about it?

[Blazewind]

So now I am wondering, is the Goddess calling back her wayward daughter? Any thoughts?

If you think that there is a chance that the goodess is trying to 'call you back', hte simpliest advice I can give is, Ask her. Since you used to be in the wiccan beleif system, as it sounds by your post, you likely know well enough how to communicate with her. Once you say to her, something like, "are you trying to call me back to the craft?" you must be alert for the signs she will likely send in as an answer.

[Banjo]

Those are some powerful coincidences.
Even if these signs aren't necessarily the Goddess calling you back, the fact that your mind is investing meaning in and making connections between these occurances is pretty substantial in itself. That alone may help you uncover your own submerged feelings surrounding your spirituality.

Ask yourself what is holding you to Christianity. Is it fear? Fear of hurting or family or of going to hell (I say this because I too come from a Christian background and totally understand both of these fears)? Do some self-exploration. Chances are, if you feel that a "sign" has meaning, it does.

[jcrowfoot]

Where you find hope and love, is where your path lies. Go for it!

[[GeekyPagan]]

Once you say to her, something like, "are you trying to call me back to the craft?" you must be alert for the signs she will likely send in as an answer.

That makes a lot of sense. Thank you! There is a part of me that wants her to say yes, and the other part is fearful of a yes answer.


Banjo, yes. It is a lot of fear. I fear going to Hell. I fear for my relationship with my boyfriend. He's a devout Christian, and very active. He made it clear, back when I was Wiccan, that there would be no chance of marriage if I stayed the way I was. Sometimes we do things for love, and make sacrifices. I was alright with it, at first. I do like my Church, and some teachings, but not all. It's a fear, to lose him if I go back to what I feel is the right path. We had been through this, he's very unwavering. I can accept that.

The fact that I have been seeing and recognizing signs says to me, that perhaps I should go back and I will find the peace I need with the Goddess.

But how much peace can I get if I have to practice in secret? I know for a fact he will not appreciate it, because his belief is once you accept Jesus as your Lord and Saviour, well, that's it there is no going back. He will say my beliefs have all been a lie. So, to really avoid a rift, I might have to keep it secret, which is really, really disheartening.

Sorry for the long post. But thanks for all your input. Please keep it comming!

[jcrowfoot]

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone who hates and reviles your beliefs? There ARE Christians out there who don't do that sort of thing.... I'm engaged to one. He'll love me no matter what I believe.

[amunptah777]

Weird....am I right in assuming you are equating the end of college with the end of paganism?

Well, I'd like to also remark you're not posting this question in the opposite direction on a christian forum, eh?

The concept of "calling you back" is a very christian one. The Goddess is everywhere, the all flowing, ever growing Creator that infuses life into everything. You can "get away" from the Goddess about as much as you can get away from oxygen.

Come on....don't be sad....being pagan rocks!!!!!!

Thet

[Makbawehuh]

When I walked away from the Church, the first major question I asked myself was "If God loves me, but will send me to Hell for using my mind to think and my heart to feel, the way it was intended... Is he a God worth following?"

At this point, if the Christians are right, then I'm an apostate anyways; Since rejection of the Holy Spirit is the one unforgivable sin and most people seem to equate apostasy with it, I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't, by Christian reckoning...

So...

If I go to hell, I go with my head held high and with the understanding that I cannot accept any God who wants me to kneel and give up the ability to reason I was born with for the meager rewards of blind faith, a narrow universe that leaves me at the whims of beings higher than myself, and none of the liberty that I value so highly for myself. For someone who holds her mind as her greatest asset, it's a trade to refuse until the day I die.


What you might want to do is critically examine what your problems with Christianity are... Really do some soul searching. Whether it's the Goddess giving you a gentle knock on the head to get your attention, or whether it's your own subconscious telling you that maybe you aren't in a place you want to be, it's something you need to ponder.

Maybe get a notebook and write down a series of questions that you feel need to be answered, and then write down the answers you think both paths offer... If nothing else, you'll have a good look at your own internal workings, and that can be an enlightening experience in and of itself.