A slow time in dying...

[Ashe]

I have believed my whole life that what goes around comes around. I have always tried to follow a higher path than that of "just a good person". I have sacrificed much for people i barely know. Im almost 30 and have helped more people than I can count. This was my way...to help a person in need filled my heart with happieness. But when does it come back to me? Is it even worth it to try? I thought i knew what magick was. I make a charm bag for a specific person, i make it a representation of that person. I explain all of this so that magick can take its course...but all magick really is...belief in yourself. You believe in that bag that is a representation of you. You are believing in yourself. I have helped many people with this method. I know the flows of energies and i can tell what a person is feeling by looking at their face, how they hold themselves, the emphasis they put on words, physical reactions like a flip of the hand but more importantly its the feeling that i get when im close to a person. I have used every tool that I have to help everyone i possibly can...but where is my come around? Everyone i grew up with is now not amoung us. Car accidents, overdoses and suicides. I have no one that i can say has been with me for years anymore. No one to turn to...I love my girlfriend but i know it wont last. There is something wrong and she just wont tell me. She knows that i know...she hates it when i tell her how she is feeling and it creeps her out so i dont do it. I have a family who cant stand me because i dont believe what they do, memories of friends now past, a girlfriend i love but i know wont last, i dont live in even fair living conditions because my budget does not allow for anymore because i give up more time to helping people when i could be getting overtime or something. So what does this mean? That i can make other happy and help them but there is none for me? I feel like i'am having a slow time in dying. Able to help others but not myself. I fully believe in myself and dont harm anyone. So why is it only bad that comes back at me? Why can i never get ahead with the ups in life and only be stuck in the downs. If this is what it means to follow a higher path then i think i waisted nearly 30 years of life. Im not quite 30 yet but close enough. I think i wasted my life on other people...but i dont know because that goes against everything i believe. I dont know why Karma is kicking me...i have not harmed anyone...maybe im just the last of my friends to go, i dont know. Why is it that i can help others and not myself? To me this is a slow time in dying.

[Water Centaur]

After reading your post, I literally feel emotionally drained, probably similar to what you are feeling.

My advice for you is to take some time for yourself. Helping others does not mean neglecting your own needs. Go take a nice warm bath, or a walk around your neighborhood to just take in the sounds, smells, sights, and touches of nature (tastes too if you please). Find the beauty around you and just breathe deeply. Do not think about others because this should be your moment to relax and release your stresses. If you truly feel that you are here to help, then that's great because the world needs more people like you. However, please remember that it's okay to say no, I will not help today.

I understand your feelings about karma backfiring, but in this case I think that you make actually be creating the block. It seems like you have exhausted yourself by giving and giving some more that you are not letting yourself receive. Also, try not to do good deeds for personal gain (i.e., racking up good karma points). One way to look at is every time you perform a good deed, the knowing you helped someone is your reward.

There are some things we cannot control no matter what we do like suicides and accidents. This is something you will have to learn to deal with and not let it get the best of you. I know it's harder than it sounds, but it is possible.

Good luck,
WC

[Ashe]

Good advice and thank you for it. I give the same advice about taking in nature to people all the time and i do it myself. I dont help people for personal gain so thats not the problem. To me personal gain is the recieving of worldly things. i dont care about any of that. I dont think it is personal gain to want to help people and have things not go completely against you all the time. Your right to not help people is easier said than done. I saw a young girl the other day maybe 14. Eyes large and distant, shoulders slouched with no look of anything on her face. The presence around her said grief and i knew she had lost someone very close to her. I saw an older man craking his neck with a furrowed brow and in a defensive posture rubbing his hands. The presence around him said stress and his body said worry. That was at a bank. I imagine its easy for people to walk away from these people because they do not know what these people feel. Its not easy at all when you do. I dont go out of my way to try to do this it just happens. Its like i can feel their pain and when i can help its like i feel their relief. What would you do if you had to feel and comprehend the problems of people around you?

[Water Centaur]

It sounds like you may be an empath, so the first thing I would do if I were you is to learn to shield yourself from everyone else's emotions. There are other empaths on here that may be able to help you out in that department.

Once you are able to do that, spend more time figuring out what would help you out.

[Ashe]

well i have never met anyone like me, just alot of people who like to pretend. I shield quite a bit but maybe i need to find another way. Any ideas on where to start looking for people with the same...uh curse?

[Water Centaur]

This thread looks like it would be useful to you.
http://www.everythingunderthemoon.net/f ... php?t=8702

[Moon_Stone]

Hi Ashe,
I wouldn't say you have any type of "curse" at all. This is all just something that needs to play itself out.

First of all, I think you may be somehow subconsciously feeling that you have done wrong (in a past life, perhaps) and are now needing to do all you can to right that past wrong. You're almost compelled to offer yourself and your help to people you both do and do not know, right? I understand that. I have a friend who is cycling through exactly the same thing and his stems from a past life issue. In his case, I recommended (via my tarot reading's suggestion) that he include some kind of physical enjoyment in his life, some craft where he works with his hands in particular. (I suggested pottery or wood work.) He still hasn't headed my advice, so I can't report on any changes of his issue, but I imagine he'll eventually get it underway. I suggest a similar thing to you- but I think you may want to look into doing some karmic tarot yourself (or have someone do it for you- there's a great book I can suggest if you're looking for one on the subject with spreads) so you can better understand why you are feeling compelled, as you are, to give of yourself till there's nothing left.

So far as your waiting for the good to come back around to you, I have two thoughts to share on this subject- 1st, (and I'm sorry, this sounds really mean but there's no other way to put it)... just your expecting that 'what has gone around needs to come around' is invalidating all that you've done in the first place. If you are doing good things and expecting a reward for them, they're no longer good acts- they're selfish ones. Even if you are not feeling entitled as you're doing these good deeds, feeling that later on in your day or even later on in your life means you're not doing it for the right reasons and not truly understanding why you're feeling so compelled to do it in the first place. Given that, I'd recommend you either stop trying or find a new way to look at it. Perhaps if you give because you need to, and nothing more, this will help you change your perspective on the entire activity, and thus your life.

The 2nd point I wanted to get into relates to perspective: you say you're having a horrible time right now, and that you've always had a hard time... you do realize that you are the only one labeling your life and yourself this way, right? You are deciding that you're miserable- and only you can decide otherwise. Have you taken a moment to think of things you're thankful for having in your life? Taken any moments of self-pride rather than just a sigh of self-pity? You should-- every feeling is decided solely by the individual, and if you're deciding that everything is miserable, everything is. If you've decided you and your girlfriend are ending, you are. You might be stuck in a cycle of "self-fulfilling prophecies" -you are trying to do good, so you do... but you are still internally feeling bad, so that's what you're making for yourself- bad.

I am terribly sorry if this all sounds like a very mean tough-love approach here... I really do have feelings (and am actually an empath as well).... but when there are feelings like this, I tend to activate my "wall" meaning my being a sort of 'emotional rock' for the other to lean on-- and in that way, I can be very abrupt. I've had good luck with it though... and I can only hope that my words are heard and understood, rather than just your feeling as though I've taken some time to grind you farther into the dirt. I'm really, truly not intending to be doing that at all... please accept my most humble apologies if you're feeling that way. (And knock it off! ) :28:

To end on a more positive note, Ashe- take a moment to investigate yourself and your internal motives. Perhaps write these things down, and all that you're feeling. Also write down what makes you smile, and keep it in your pocket-- refer to it often. Remember that only you can change how you feel about things- and by doing that, you completely change your life.

If you'd like to talk in private, I'd be more than happy to give you any other help I can. Again, I'm sorry- I'm really not trying to beat on your emotions, so please... don't feel that way. :28:

~Bright Blessings~

[Ashe]

Hi Ashe,

First of all, I think you may be somehow subconsciously feeling that you have done wrong (in a past life, perhaps) and are now needing to do all you can to right that past wrong. You're almost compelled to offer yourself and your help to people you both do and do not know, right? I understand that. I have a friend who is cycling through exactly the same thing and his stems from a past life issue. In his case, I recommended (via my tarot reading's suggestion) that he include some kind of physical enjoyment in his life, some craft where he works with his hands in particular. (I suggested pottery or wood work.) He still hasn't headed my advice, so I can't report on any changes of his issue, but I imagine he'll eventually get it underway. I suggest a similar thing to you- but I think you may want to look into doing some karmic tarot yourself (or have someone do it for you- there's a great book I can suggest if you're looking for one on the subject with spreads) so you can better understand why you are feeling compelled, as you are, to give of yourself till there's nothing left.

So far as your waiting for the good to come back around to you, I have two thoughts to share on this subject- 1st, (and I'm sorry, this sounds really mean but there's no other way to put it)... just your expecting that 'what has gone around needs to come around' is invalidating all that you've done in the first place. If you are doing good things and expecting a reward for them, they're no longer good acts- they're selfish ones. Even if you are not feeling entitled as you're doing these good deeds, feeling that later on in your day or even later on in your life means you're not doing it for the right reasons and not truly understanding why you're feeling so compelled to do it in the first place. Given that, I'd recommend you either stop trying or find a new way to look at it. Perhaps if you give because you need to, and nothing more, this will help you change your perspective on the entire activity, and thus your life.

The 2nd point I wanted to get into relates to perspective: you say you're having a horrible time right now, and that you've always had a hard time... you do realize that you are the only one labeling your life and yourself this way, right? You are deciding that you're miserable- and only you can decide otherwise. Have you taken a moment to think of things you're thankful for having in your life? Taken any moments of self-pride rather than just a sigh of self-pity? You should-- every feeling is decided solely by the individual, and if you're deciding that everything is miserable, everything is. If you've decided you and your girlfriend are ending, you are. You might be stuck in a cycle of "self-fulfilling prophecies" -you are trying to do good, so you do... but you are still internally feeling bad, so that's what you're making for yourself- bad.

I am terribly sorry if this all sounds like a very mean tough-love approach here... I really do have feelings (and am actually an empath as well).... but when there are feelings like this, I tend to activate my "wall" meaning my being a sort of 'emotional rock' for the other to lean on-- and in that way, I can be very abrupt. I've had good luck with it though... and I can only hope that my words are heard and understood, rather than just your feeling as though I've taken some time to grind you farther into the dirt. I'm really, truly not intending to be doing that at all... please accept my most humble apologies if you're feeling that way. (And knock it off! ) :28:

To end on a more positive note, Ashe- take a moment to investigate yourself and your internal motives. Perhaps write these things down, and all that you're feeling. Also write down what makes you smile, and keep it in your pocket-- refer to it often. Remember that only you can change how you feel about things- and by doing that, you completely change your life.

If you'd like to talk in private, I'd be more than happy to give you any other help I can. Again, I'm sorry- I'm really not trying to beat on your emotions, so please... don't feel that way. :28:

~Bright Blessings~

First of all I'am not your friend. I dont feel i have done wrong in a past life as your friend has. So its nothing like that...I know tarot very well and I do use it alot.

As far as being selfish...shame on you. I dont do a deed to get something out of it. At the same time I also dont expect to have to hold my fiancee's hand while she passes away, or bury my brother and every friend i grew up with. I dont help people so i can get things in return, but i dont expect everything to go wrong in my life when i live the right way. You dont know me so how dare you call me selfish. I dont expect money or things or even a thank you from people. I couldnt even tell you if people do say thank you. I dont expect for life to be made easier but i do expect that when you live the right way it does not get worse. I do what i do because I feel what people around me feel. I do them because i never want to feel like that so i bet they dont either. I do what i do because my heart tells me to. That doesnt mean that i have to like it. Dont tell me why I help people or that it is a selfish reason.

Perspective and reality dont mix well...I watched my fiancee die, my best friend blew his head off when he was on the phone with me, two of my other friends died in a car accident. I knew it was comming with my best friend but i was only 16 and though i could feel it i didnt know what to do. My current girlfriend is scared to death of me sometimes because i can tell her what she is feeling and i dont mean to. Because i knew her brothers girlfriend was pregnant before she told anyone. I help people all the time and I try to make new friends but most of them just get scared when they find out. Perspective is how you look at a situation. But there is only so many ways you can look at a situation. I dont need you telling me what I do is wrong or pass judgement on something you barely know about. The person who also posted here knew that and got me information that might help based on what he knew. You make assumptions.

Maybe you shouldnt be a "rock". If you want to help someone you try to understand them. You flow like a river with them and not be a dam of stone. How can you ever expect to help anyone if you turn to stone? If you are an empath then I dont want to be. I'am not an empath and i have never met anyone else like me, just a bunch of fakers. You may be i do not know. But I'am not...Next time you try to help someone perhaps you should imagine you are a rose unfloding your mind to take in the rays of sunlight, the feelings of that person you are trying to help. Then again like I said I dont have to try I just know, If you need exercises to do it like putting up a wall and turning to stone then maybe you shouldnt be doing it.

[Moon_Stone]

Whoa there, Ashe. It appears that you've really misconstrued a lot of what I was trying to say. I was most certainly not trying to offend you in any way, nor pass judgment. You posted here on the forum that you feel you're having a "slow time in dying" but you also mention you're not even thirty years old yet. Your desire to be dead and gone from all karmic cycling is concerning-- and you're obviously seeking assistance, or you would not have posted at all. Again, I am not passing any judgments and I am not trying to offend you. I was responding to your post, so you could perhaps understand my suggestion and consider developing another perspective on your life's ordeals. Every person is at his or her own point in life; some listen with attentive ears, others immediately begin feeling defensive instead... both of which are perfectly fine and normal- it just depends upon what point the listener is in, in their cycle of life, how they choose to hear words that are placed upon them.

I'm sorry to hear that you've suffered with many tragedies in your life, Ashe. That cannot be easy for anyone to endure and I'm sure it's left a darkened mark on your heart as well. To believe though, that this is all "happening to you" rather than just being occurrences that are unfortunately and sadly a part of your life, is causing you more grief than help, I think. As I mentioned, it's all in perspective-- and believe me, I know that trying to turn an untimely death of a loved one into something positive is darn near impossible; especially when suffering in as much pain as you seem to be.

I'd also like to address a few points in your response, if I may, to straighten the statements out. First you said:

I have used every tool that I have to help everyone i possibly can...but where is my come around?

...But when does it come back to me?

...and to those comments I responded by saying

just your expecting that 'what has gone around needs to come around' is invalidating all that you've done in the first place. If you are doing good things and expecting a reward for them, they're no longer good acts- they're selfish ones. Even if you are not feeling entitled as you're doing these good deeds, feeling that later on in your day or even later on in your life means you're not doing it for the right reasons and not truly understanding why you're feeling so compelled to do it in the first place.

....You've clearly made the statement that you feel your good deeds are for naught and you feel you deserve something in return. That's why I made the comment I did.

...

First of all I'am not your friend. I dont feel i have done wrong in a past life as your friend has.

-Ok, that's fine. I was not trying to state that you are exactly as my friend is, of course not. I was sharing his experience with you, in a hope that you may identify with it. Again, trying to help.

As far as being selfish...shame on you. I dont do a deed to get something out of it.

...You're contradicting yourself here. You said in the original quote I included here that you're waiting for your due "return of good", so to speak. If your original post was worded in such a way that improperly conveyed that message, I'm sorry for misunderstanding... and again, no offense intended whatsoever.

I dont expect for life to be made easier but i do expect that when you live the right way it does not get worse.

--Of course; that's understandable. It's a part of human nature to question why bad things keep happening around oneself. It's the further investigation into the possible reasons why, that I was trying to guide you to. (Through my karmic suggestions). Take it or leave it-- it was just a suggestion.

Dont tell me why I help people or that it is a selfish reason.

-Again, I was basing my comments on yours. I explained my comment above.

Perspective and reality dont mix...

...Ashe, that is your perspective. No one controls it but you.

But there is only so many ways you can look at a situation.

--Again, you are deciding this. I'm sorry you can't see things any other way, maybe some day you will.

If you need exercises to do it like putting up a wall and turning to stone then maybe you shouldnt be doing it.

..you've misconstrued what I was saying here-- I said "when there are feelings like this"... meaning you're apparent state of emotional duress. I don't erect a "wall" in most cases, nor is it even something intentional... but when a person is in need of support, having both parties involved both being equally as upset will not aid the situation nor either person. -And whether or not you like it, it had helped you as well. You're angry with me and my words-- clearly-- there's a fire under your feet (metaphorically speaking), so you weren't hurting at that moment I was speaking to you in the post, were you? Please, take those feelings of frustration and use them- take the power they give you to be stronger than you were feeling before. Then, and only if you truly want to have things change, decide to change your life for you.

Bright Blessings, Ashe.

[[RedWolf]]

Hello Ashe,

Please understand that what people respond to on a post (from anyone) is what is written on that post. We do not attempt to "read between the lines" or decide we know everything there is to know about a person based on what they post on here.

We basically take you at your own written word.

If these people reply to specific words you wrote, please don't get upset if you think they misunderstood you, just simply give us more information. It really is as simple as that. We can not read your mind and therefore we depend on you to be aware of how your words come across.

I will reread what I am writing here two or three times to make sure I am doing the best that I can to say what I want (and edit any misspellings - because I can't spell worth a dime ). And then I will edit it even after posting because I see something then LOL. That is what the edit button up there in the right hand corner is so useful for - I love it!

We want to be your friends on here, but true friendship isn't about telling you only about what you want to hear to feel better, especially if that telling is false.

I am not an empath, but I can read and I do sympathize with what you are writing. Please go back over what you wrote in the beginning with fresh eyes and you will see what we see, and then you will understand what Moonstone is responding to.

It really is all about perspective, and just on what you have written here tells us that you do need to step back and change your own perspective. This is something that we have had to learn to do, and is why we try to teach others this.

With sincere blessings to you.

RW

[Moon_Stone]

Thanks for your post, RedWolf. Very well put. :28:

~Bright Blessings~

[Ashe]

Ok im just going to drop the whole arguement with people *shrugs* I need answers on how to stop this crap because today I got suspended from work. About two days ago a not so nice manager was yelling at an employee who's name i didnt even know at the time and was yelling about his attendence. I was busy helping this manager do his paperwork since he didnt know how. This fellow he was yelling at was not on my team so i didnt have any controll over him. After the fellow left all upset the manager said to me "Dont you hate it when lazy ***** think they can just show up when its good for them and then ask you for help?" I dont know why I said this but I said "Well if you where dying would you really care about if you miss a couple days of work. Maybe you should step back and talk to him not yell." Well my fellow manager did just that...the guy had not told anyone, not even his wife and was furious about how his manager knew then was furious about how I knew. Human Resources wanted an explanation went so far to know if we went to the same doctor. They didn't accept i just knew and I felt it. So whatever I just want this...thing gone. It gets worse and worse every year.

In response to posts...well im just at the end of my rope and dont give a crap enough to argue. I try shielding but its not working. If anyone knows any other ways to turn this thing off then please tell me. Just please dont insult me while doing it.

[Water Centaur]

If anyone knows any other ways to turn this thing off then please tell me. Just please dont insult me while doing it.

Ashe, please understand that we aren't trying to insult you, just help.

[Ashe]

I know you are walter that page did help a little bit but i dont think im an empath. This is just driving me crazy. I have to think of something to tell HR tomorrow to. To many problems and i just want to get rid of it.

[[RedWolf]]

Tell HR what went on that day with the way the manager was behaving, that he then made that comment to you. Tell them that you said what you did to get a point across on his bad behavior and that it was like an example on how we don't know what is going on in a person's private lives - that we should always talk things out with someone before judging them, and that he should really learn how to deal with a situation like that in a more professional way. Let them think that it was just a coincidence that what you said turned out to be true.

We've all had "coincidences" like that so they will understand that. They will then (hopefully) turn their attention to what is the real problem there at work - their managers management techniques!

Good Luck tomorrow. We'll be rooting for you

RW