Everything Under the Moon

I know this part of the forum is not in much use (which is a good thing I hope!) but if someone comes across this I'd like for this to be read. When I was in middle school about 8-10 years ago, I was a very unpopular kid. I was fat and just "uncool", didnt know how to make friends with everyone else because I was too nice and kids are just jerks! We all know it! Anyways, it continued until I graduated eighth grade. I remember I cried every night. God knows what my mother went through seeing her child feel that way. I screamed and asked why did my life have to be this way, why did everyone hate me, why did noone want to be my friend. I remember trying to suffocate myself. Freshman year of highschool my mother decided it was ok if I homeschooled. I started to lose weight and made a few friends in another town, things were looking ok. But my home life became a mess as no matter what I did I wasnt supported and my parents forced me to give up my acting auditions (which I was getting VERY good at, it was my dream) I got depressed and started gaining weight again. I went back to school sophomore year and everything began to spiral downward again. I was unexplainably depressed, and so unhappy with my appearance that I never wanted to go anywhere or be with any friends. My home life was terrible. My father treated me like garbage. I wanted to kill myself so many times because it felt like no matter what progress I made in my personal life, shit never went my way! It was like my life was meant to be a f*cking disaster. I dont know how I did it but I made it through. I decided to stop listening to people who didnt like or support me. Just stopped. Im just focusin on what I want and Im working my way there. Everything is working out because I never gave up. Isnt that the beauty of life? You always have the option of tomorrow...you always have choices. It's up to you whether you use to turn your life around, or if you dwell on your problems and think about how bad things are.

I know it sounds like "brushing your problems under the rug" but it;s not...you have to dedicate every single day to doing something that makes you happy and remind yourself of your goals ALWAYs. If you dont have any, make some. It will help. Think about what you have to live for. If you think theres nothing to live for, think again. Think about all the people in the world who can use your help right now. Think about the people who are in your shoes. Youre not the only one who feels hopeless. Can you talk about your problems together? We arent the only ones experiencing pain or uncontrollable life problems. But we can all find ways to deal with them, death not being the asnwer EVER. Think about how a few hours of volunteering can change someone elses life, wouldnt that make you feel better? Isnt that something to live for?

Think about whats making you upset, then fix it! YOU CAN!
I did....and trust me I thought I never would, it was that bad.

your post is inspiring. i just wish my best friend had read this before he ended his life 5 years ago. in some ways i agree with you and when i talk to my friend at night i say "hey why couldn't you come to me? you needed me and i was there...right in front of you." but in other ways (and i think this is how i am still grieving) i think "hey, it was YOUR life and it was YOUR decision to end it" i don't know anymore. jason was like that though...i feel that if he had a chance to talk back to me that's what he would say, that it was his life and it was his decision to do what he did and that I'M the one who has to accept that. a lot of the time i think of his saying all of that and then i feel bad....he needed me and for whatever reason he felt that i wasn't there. i guess what's done is done, right?

I've been surrounded by people that were having this problem...the ones with the self confidence and appearance issues I tell them honestly what I like about them to bring them up. I don't believe of putting people down.
Now that you have helped yourself...help others that show the signs. I've never been that depressed and when I do start going that way something always brings me back up. a reason to live for tomorrow. its new...it can be different if I try. it isn't false hope because even if you just change one small thing about tomorrow when its today than yesterday its a good start.

An inspiring post thanks : ) I was kind of like you in some ways, no one liked me at school no one wanted to talk to me people bullied me and rejected me for whatever excuse they could find eventually I got OCD with my weight (still do -_-) and I was a very heavy cutter...
But your right about the living about life and about how we can help other people, a few hours of volunteering can change someones life eventually it can make the world better...The smallest things can change the world.
Ive learned that life isnt fair sure, but its worth living. Its just worth it.
Thanks for the post : )

If I'd only been "not popular" in high school - it would've been several notches higher than what I was... I was was always smaller and stuff and I had a way to tick off people that I got early on from the parents - so I totally assume my "uncoolness" factor in school.
When I got to be 15-16 - I grew up to 6'2 and looked like a pretzel when I bent my elbows. However, at around 17, I started doing weights and I really got proportionned. Because of an "injury" - I lost some of my skin on my head - and hair too - so I got this membrane thingie (to protect bone structure from arthrose (s/p?) and the likes) - it has real hair into it - and it's crazy but I look like an Hollywood model or something!

Today when I look back at the school years - I know with adult eyes and with adult perspective I could make an understandable logic of it - but I refuse to. It's not fair to yourself or anyone to built an escape hatch after the boat has sunk. The moments past are very often imperfect, illogical and so on but they contain a lot of truth. They contain the way you genuinely felt at a precise moment. If you go back and "toy" - you corrupt.

The % of happiness and sadness varies from one person to another - but the saddest tears in the World, when they fall onto the ground, can help the most beautiful flower to grow...