preventing friend's suicide? running out of time...

[kimilynnekandikane]

my bestfriend was raped when we were 13 and her parents told her to keep her mouth shut fearing gossip.we are now 16 and she has been falling apart ever since.the guy who raped her still comes around her house because he is friends w/ her brother & her parents allow it.this has caused her so much pain she attemptes suicide for the third time.her parents are useless, we have social worker involved,she's been hospitalized multiple times,and we have her on a waiting list for a residential treatment center.

[kimilynnekandikane]

there is a 6-12 month wait for a bed in the rtc and there are no hospital beds available in our area. she is incredibly depressed with way too much free time since she only goes to school 1-2 periods a day. my gut, as well as my empath side analyzing her feelings are telling me I'm running out of time before she suceeds. are there any outside the box things I can do? (crystals etc.)

[WitchyLady506]

She needs to confront the situation, as in she needs to go to the police, tell her parents that they don't know what they are talking about and seek out therapy to overcome the torture she's went through for the past 3 years. You might want to see if she wants to come stay with you as her parents are probably gonna be upset, but if you want to save your friend this is probably the best idea.

[kimilynnekandikane]

she refuses to press charges. myself and several others have tried. she is afraid of going against her parents and she doesn't think she is strong enough to press charges. at this point she is saying she does not want to get better. we have a detective that knows her situation and would be willing to work with her but she refuses. it is a miricle she has managed to survive 3 attempts

[WitchyLady506]

She needs to learn that while her parents may think they know what's good for her, that's not always the case. She needs to get away from where the douche who raped her is allowed to visit and if her parents are willing to let him in their house, they are saying it's okay what he did and she needs to realize that's all kinds of wrong.

[kimilynnekandikane]

i hope we can show her otherwise but she thinks she isn't strongenough. the rtc is to get her out of the house, like a boarding school but i'm afraid she wont make it through the 6-12 month wait. the last suicide attempt was not as potentialy lethal , but it is all a matter of what she can get her hands on.

[Moon_Stone]

Are you sure she's attempting suicide? I'm certainly not trying to make light of the situation at all, nor what she's doing to herself- but if she is just harming herself, that may be something entirely different that has to do with a lack of properly functioning emotional responses and/or a need for some semblance of control over her life. If she's cutting/burning/breaking, etc. -some part of her body (but not tying ropes around her neck or trying to overdose/drink bleach, etc.) -that may be the case.

Have you tried talking to her about what she's doing to herself? Often times what we perceive as a suicide attempt elicits a "just don't do that" type of response, so there may be more to it than there appears to be.

Things that may help:
-Work with her to try making a plan for the future. Where she's going to go, and how she's going to get there; what she wants. Right now, I'd bet she doesn't see more than two feet beyond her own reflection, let alone any possibility of a life for herself in the future. Big picture thinking may help. (It may also be overwhelming for her too, so feel her out before starting any serious conversation on that.)

-Don't tell her that she needs to report the crime so others aren't hurt like she was. While that is certainly true, if she doesn't feel able to testify against this guy, even for herself, telling her that her silence is allowing others to be hurt will only bring her more grief and guilt. She probably already feels guilt about the rape in the first place.

-Have you tried to put her in touch with any online support forums? One that comes to mind is RAINN (the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network). They are full of resources and volunteers- helping her to discover just how many other victims are out there should help her to find some strength. "Strength in numbers", they say. Here are some links:
*this is a chat-type program, I believe- gets her in contact with a RAINN volunteer* National Sexual Assault Online Hotline
Get Help page- there's also a link here that may be of some assistance to you: Help a Loved One.

~Hope some of these things help. And if it does turn out to be a situation of self-abuse rather than suicide attempts, let me know- I have more resources available to share on that too.

~Bright Blessings to both of you... she's lucky to have a friend as caring as you are- and even though you probably don't hear it too often, she appreciates you, I'm sure.

*M

[kimilynnekandikane]

sadly she is very serious. she has taken enough rx drug to kill a full grown adult and she an anarexic 80 maybe? she drank rubbing alcahol and her latest was a od mix of rx painkillers and ibprophen. my mother is a social worker and i have assisted on a few suicidal kids. thankfuly saves before they could complete. i suicide asses her every time i talk to her. she wont talk about the future much, her mother sabatoges it and she doesn't want to say anything bad about her family. i'll try to get her to tho

[)O( Krystal Raven )O(]

I believe it may be important for you to point out to her that this situation only holds as much power over her as any other event in life can. If she had been in a fight to the death and lost both arms, she might certainly want to kill herself. If she had been in a catastrophic fire and mutilated beyond recognition, she might want to kill herself. If her parents dismiss and belittle her emotional needs, she might want to kill herself. I myself endured unspeakable horrors at an even younger age than she was, and my FATHER was the one doing this stuff. He's not a hillbilly or gangster, he's not a known criminal, he was well respected in his community for years... I survived because I decided his sickness didn't belong to me. Let her know that she is not tainted beyond recognition, that this idiot did not take anything away from her but her own sense of self-respect.... the pain is not from what he did... it is from being ignored and abused after the fact. You are the greatest source of light in her world... for your own sake, remember to remain unattached to her Karma and Destiny, witnessing and loving her as you are able from your own path. Yours in the Goddess, )O( R )O(

[kimilynnekandikane]

She wants the victim role an we cant seem to break her out of it. Her family refuses to address the issue. She is about as stable as she gets for now. All things considered, she's found a new drug-dealing boyfriend to keep up her supply of rx painkillers, cutting regularly,not eating. It's sad to think this is what we consider doing "better"