Disgust by water
Posted: Sun Dec 25, 2011 12:34 am
I have a problem concerning water. I basically don't like it. By that I don't mean I hate taking showers, in fact I love them and baths too, what I mean is I don't like rivers, lakes, the sea, even pools. I haven't gone swimming for about 6 years now. The mere thought of dipping my hand in a lake makes me squirm.
The ironic part is when I was camping with the scouts, we had to gather water from a nearby lake. We didn't need a lot of it so we were using plastic water bottles. Frankly I had a feeling like I was going to throw up, because to fill the bottle you had to submerge it completely meaning my hand had to touch the water. All I kept saying in my head was don't faint over and over again. I was scared and I don't know of what. I was so disgusted by the fact that my hand touched the lake water I kept the hand away from my body the whole trip back to camp (which was about 10 minutes away). When we got back the first thing I did was wash my hand which is in my opinion pretty ironic. The lake water was crystal clean but still I felt the need to wash the invisible dirt from my hands.
I love the sight of water, but I admire it from afar. If I get to close I get the urge to back away unless I mentally prepared myself to get closer. I'm not saying that I freak out every time I'm near a large body of water, I just don't feel comfortable. I tend to not show fear around people so I just pretend that I don't like the water because it's full of germs or polluted or in the case of pools, people pee in them.
Some people don't know about this...well only 2 people know this, my best friend and the scoutmaster. I don't want to tell some people because either I'm ashamed, I know they'd make fun of me or they could use it against me.
Some friends from scouts made fun of me that I'm a man because I didn't want to go swimming with them so they thought that I don't want to dress into my swimming suit because then they could "see" that I'm not a woman (which I am), the other thing being I'm light skinned and I sunburn easily, literally, 20 minutes in the sun and I'm already red. I could tell them they're wrong and make them stop but it's easier to deny a roomer that you know is a lie than to tell the truth and be pitied. I don't like sympathy. The rumor didn't hurt me at all so I didn't see a point in proving them wrong.
The only thing that bothers me is the fact I don't know why I dislike water so much. Could it be something from the past like a traumatic experience that I buried in my subconsciousness or something else?
The ironic part is when I was camping with the scouts, we had to gather water from a nearby lake. We didn't need a lot of it so we were using plastic water bottles. Frankly I had a feeling like I was going to throw up, because to fill the bottle you had to submerge it completely meaning my hand had to touch the water. All I kept saying in my head was don't faint over and over again. I was scared and I don't know of what. I was so disgusted by the fact that my hand touched the lake water I kept the hand away from my body the whole trip back to camp (which was about 10 minutes away). When we got back the first thing I did was wash my hand which is in my opinion pretty ironic. The lake water was crystal clean but still I felt the need to wash the invisible dirt from my hands.
I love the sight of water, but I admire it from afar. If I get to close I get the urge to back away unless I mentally prepared myself to get closer. I'm not saying that I freak out every time I'm near a large body of water, I just don't feel comfortable. I tend to not show fear around people so I just pretend that I don't like the water because it's full of germs or polluted or in the case of pools, people pee in them.
Some people don't know about this...well only 2 people know this, my best friend and the scoutmaster. I don't want to tell some people because either I'm ashamed, I know they'd make fun of me or they could use it against me.
Some friends from scouts made fun of me that I'm a man because I didn't want to go swimming with them so they thought that I don't want to dress into my swimming suit because then they could "see" that I'm not a woman (which I am), the other thing being I'm light skinned and I sunburn easily, literally, 20 minutes in the sun and I'm already red. I could tell them they're wrong and make them stop but it's easier to deny a roomer that you know is a lie than to tell the truth and be pitied. I don't like sympathy. The rumor didn't hurt me at all so I didn't see a point in proving them wrong.
The only thing that bothers me is the fact I don't know why I dislike water so much. Could it be something from the past like a traumatic experience that I buried in my subconsciousness or something else?
