Everything Under the Moon

Hello everyone!

I am a 21 year old girl who's always had a big interest in magic, the supernatural and since a few years back also wicca.
I've studied wicca some but there is still a lot to learn for me.
Something I wonder about is if you as a wiccan "have" to believe in a certain God or Goddess or if you can believe in the power and good of the Universe and the earth itself while also acknowledging the Gods and Goddesses but without seeing them as actual people that exist but who may have existed a long time ago? Because for me believing in a God or Goddess as a person is a bit difficult so it's easier to see a Goddess as a representation of what she stands for. If that makes any sense.
I don't have a book of shadows but I have created an altar that I sometimes put for example flowers that I picked outside on. I haven't really done any rituals because I think you should know a bit more about everything first. Although I've never really made rituals or spells I've made things happen by picturing them over and over and believing while using my crystals, I believe this to have worked because things have happened for me that has been very surprising that it even happened at all because it didn't seem possible to anyone before it did. I have always been able to change my life by changing my thoughts but it's harder for me to accomplish right now.

I think that I am quite intuitive because I often feel things are gonna happen before they do, if someone I know is thinking about me I can always feel it so if they text me out of nowhere it's never a surprise to me and I am incredibly good at reading people and I've never been wrong about anyone. Someone can be a certain person on the outside but if they're hiding something I can always sense it and even if it is something good or bad just by looking into their eyes so when we get to know each other and they eventually reveal it to me it's no surprise.
I have a very strong gut feeling too although I have ignored it when I've felt I have not wanted the truth that I feel about someone to be true but ignoring it only caused me to get sick so I try to always let it guide me now.

I do have some problems with depression which can make me quite bitter and make me feel hateful unfortunately (I am in therapy) and I feel as though practicing witchcraft is not a good thing to do when you don't have a positive mindset which is a bit frustrating to me. I feel like I try to be a good person who sees good in all things and wants to spread positive energy but I can't and this is also why I like wicca because wiccans seem to be such good, positive and down to earth people and that is also how I want to be. I carry crystals and I meditate from time to time and I can always feel a peace of mind while walking outside just looking at the trees and the sky and I feel my love for nature and the animals who live in it, I definietely feel better in nature and with animals than around other people. I'm hoping that sometime soon things will brighten up and I believe that there are plenty of ways you can use magic and meditation to feel better, it just takes effort that is sometimes hard to find motivation or focus for.
Can anybody relate to these feelings?

So yeah that is a little bit about me and that is really all there is to tell.

Greetings Gentle Being,

I understand exactly what your talking {typing?} about. As far as belief in Gods and/or Godesses in Wicca, that is up to you. Some look to Deity's, others to nature Spirits, some to nothing at all but what is carried within ourselves. As to doing spells and rituals, you have discovered what I consider the first rule of the Craft or Indian Medicine - focus of your intent. If you read over distance, I'd be interested in how you read me. If you need someone to vent to or discuss things with who is also in the Arts drop me a PM just as you can if you read at a distance. May your path be joyous and your steps be sure and light.

Planewalker

I doubt if anyone can tell a witch that they "have to" believe any particular way or another. And perceptions change as we learn and grow in awareness. Wicca allows for these natural changes.

There's just no single dictated way to wrap our heads around the concepts. Our individual consciousness, level of maturity and self responsibility generally shape our beliefs. In western occultism people will speak of god-forms as manifestations of key components. Then they can identify and work with the form. The more a relationship is personalized, the deeper the transforming power it has on our subconscious. Yadda yadda yadda.

I think a good many folk here can relate to struggles with depression. I sometimes wonder if the psychic gene - whatever it is - might be attached to the chemical processes of depression. As I get older I get more forgetful, so maybe I'll forget to be depressed?

By the way, if you are already manifesting your will or intents ... You are already conscious of the knack of spell craft, so why clutter it up? You are free to work with what you have & to master it. You don't have to conform. Just see what works for you.

Anyhow, greetings and welcome.

I have a very strong gut feeling too although I have ignored it when I've felt I have not wanted the truth that I feel about someone to be true but ignoring it only caused me to get sick so I try to always let it guide me now

The gut never lies
Very pleased to meet you
Bb, Firebird

Greetings!!
I agree with what everyone else said
For me, one of the great joys of my personal path is the inner acknowledgement that it is a Mystery path. The more I learn and study, the more I know that I just don't know. Also, among pagans/neopagans/druids/witches/wiccans, etc., there is a grey deal of room for individuality. If you join a coven, there may be core beliefs and practices that you are expected to adopt, but only if you wish to be a member of that specific coven. As a whole, most of us have been solitary practioners at one time and many of us still chose a solitary path because we enjoy experiencing and growing as our means of learning and not following a Teacher.
I also experience severe depression. I'm very careful about what spell crafting I do when I'm in that black hole, but I hgavce learned that my knowledge of magic, my previous spell work, herbal work, crystal work, etc. Are great aides in pulling me out of the blackness. I have lots of simple tricks I use if you're interested.
For now, I recommend taking joy and comfort in knowing that the path you're on is yours alone. You create it as you go and are always free to recreate the parts that no longer serve you

It sounds as though you already have all that you need. Do not concern yourself with the labels and trappings. Many practitioners of the past did not identify themselves by a particular system or pantheon, but rather they recognized Truth for what it was. In this way, an Aborigine holy mother from the outback could find much common ground with a medicine man from North America, a Pygmy shaman from the Amazon, a Greek oracle from Minos or a Celtic witch. Feel your heart's your rhythm, do not compare it to others, just dance to it. Your voice lends to the harmony, and we welcome it.

That's beautifully said. Ultimately, in my opinion, the same Energy fills us all and the same Wisdom leads and guides.