Everything Under the Moon

Soul Divided

Together we were
Now and then
Trapped in here
I wanted to see the stars
I couldn't, But i was ecstatic you could
I saw the stars through your eyes
I saw them through mine

Then you faded
Your eyes were hollow
You retreated within, the stars were gone
And left me alone
To my soul you divide
And i take solace in my pride
I took a blade unto my skin
And watched the pain drip from within
I closed my eyes and layed my head
You were clear, there was no dread
Were we together?
Now and then?

this is the first poem i have posted, i have been meaning to do it for some time now. i thought it common courtesy since i critique alot of the work of others. i dont expect anyone to understand the relationship between the characters but i will tell it if no one can figure it out.

so naturally dont hold back in thoughts and commments

hmm..I have never been a wiz a poetry but this is what I got out of it..you were with another person, and they really opened your eyes, then they ended up drifting away or something happened to tear you apart from them, and because you were in such a state of ecstacy with them, you question if they were even there at all? Kinda like a to good to have been true? Forgive me if I am way off

so, did you like it?

Yes I did like it. There are certain types of poems I don't like, but I don't want to say simply because I don't want to offend anyone for my reasons for not likeing them, but I really liked your poem. First of all, I love poems, or any form of writing for that matter, that propose a question, an unfinished ending is the most interesting. I cannot critique your poem because I do not have a lot of knowledge on poetry as far as form and blah blah blah, but going on what I enjoy reading, it met my qualifications

My question to you is...

was my interpretation close to the reality of your poem?

"you were with another person"
-technically there was no other person.

other then that you were kinda close, but far off at the same time.

but im glad you like it, what you get out of a poem is more important than what the author got out of it, because they wrote they get something out of it but the beauty of poetry is everyone adapts it in one form or another.

And left me alone
To my soul you divide
And i take solace in my pride
I took a blade unto my skin
And watched the pain drip from within

I really like this stanza. Dark. Full of pain. Angsty. And also so human. To be torn and unsure. To want to find a sanctuary to hide. Some way to release the feelings that are so overwhelming.

The whole poem has a different rhyming scheme.... I did enjoy it. I think you have the ability to eloquently put emotions into words. ^_^
For you first poem its amazing!!!! I'll give you an 8/10

Thanks for always critiquing my work. I'll keep an eye on the board for any more poems you publish ^_^

thankyou very much, appreciated