Everything Under the Moon

Raw! I have not edited it at all! No rhyming though, sorry

You never cared, did you?
You never stopped, did you?

Was I thrust upon your life, or did you really love me?
Was I ever in your thoughts, or was I forgotten?

Through your eyes, am I ugly? Or am I nothing?

Do you remember me? My name? My talents?

Do you remeber my beauty? My faults? My family?

Do you remeber my love?


Again, be brutally honest!

I like it far better when it doesn't rhyme, personally. Except in rare cases rhyming tends to make it feel forced. This felt less forced than the last, for certain. It felt like it was missing something though, particularily near the end...

Not bad, not bad. I agree with Sercee, none rhyming ones are often the best, unless you're a top poet then the rhyming ones are ace, most of em anyway.

i mostly use rhyme to alter perspective or change the flow, but it comes natural then.

but i liked this and the others are right the ending is blunt as a spoon.
but its still pretty good.

Yeah, I usually have a weak ending, because I write my feelings in my poem, and by the time I get to the end, the feeling's gone.

Yeah, that's pretty understandable on the few occasions I write poetry now days I've always found my endings seem crap. I was excellent at poetry at school (especially little school), I used to win these awards and stuff but as I've got older I haven't carried on my poetry and when I write now the endings seem really bad, the hardest part IMO.

Well it depends on the point you are trying to get across. In this poem, you seem raw, upset, and the non-rhyming adds to that. d

im not sure exactly how to word this but i think that in some ways the ending works. everyone else, i see your perspectives, but try looking at it differently and reading it with a different, i dont know, 'beat'. you might see that it can work.

TheFireWithin, it is a nice poem. keep up the good work

Poetry is the expression of thoughts and feelings. Rhyming is not necessary. I like it.