guy in need of help

[Flea]

Hello forumers. I'm new here and my name is Flea.

I am a bright, talented, spiritually minded, psychic sensitive guy in a world of hurt right now. I am really greatly in need of assistance through prayer and distance healing. I'm a Christian but I have an esoteric take on life and feel a really strong draw to the hidden things in life and truth about all that's transpired over the years. I'm seeking healing for severe abuse I have undergone and generally a life of broken relationships, neglect, claustrophobia, agoraphobia...I want peace and to be able to connect with nature and my environment never seems to allow for it as I move from city to city always facing similar cycle of problems. I have very strong faith, but life in planet Earth is so brutal and base and I just can't seem to overcome the cycle of poverty and unseen spiritual opponents and forces working against me. And I confess that I have a touch of pride so it's hard for me to even ask here for help. Ladies and gentlemen please if you are so led willing and able intercede on my behalf. God's grace to all of us.

[WatchfulEyeTheButterfly]

This might seem like a stupid question, but have you tried meditation? I know some people that find it helps them. (I myself am no good at it)

[Flea]

Thanks for reply.

Yes I have tried meditation.

I found that the vippassana type meditation of emptying one's thoughts or focusing on a sound did not help and actually worsened things for me. Sometimes focusing on breathing can help or make it worse but am already doing it.

I use several other more western style meditation techniques but really just general mindfulness. I am extremely aware of my thoughts most of the time.

I know there are endless styles of meditation too including such that I may not be familiar with.

Thanks.

[Flea]

I'm bombarded by a lot of negative thoughts and pain when I relax...I call it demons...Am dissociative and I know it...So sometimes it's my own "self" (sort of) doing this. The therapists I have had could only take me so far because they'd drop out due to their own issues and there's very few skilled out there that can help.

Prayer ministry seemed to help generally but nobody in the Christian church really has the ability to minister effectively in a consistent manner. I sometimes wondered if I have some huge mega demon or alter personality controlling me that I have no way to confront. A lot of my support has been scattered so I'm here like a lone wolf reading books and doing internet research. I've had some real successes even casting out evil spirits and such but, on a day to day basis my life is such a struggle for survival I wonder why I even exist.

My biggest problem is that too much time spent alone that worsens it but there is some kind of factor in my whole life history up to present that's keeping me out of safe relationships. A lot of time it's other people...up and leaving...or getting entangled in some affair...people tend to forget about me unless I'm constantly up in their grill.

And I've been part of a really good church that imo is starting to turn cultish.

Been wandering since about 2006 from place to place trying to get help.

There appears to be a real God that looks after me but I still feel like crap in the mean time.

[WatchfulEyeTheButterfly]

Well I'm somewhat the same way as you, meditation can often make me worse and if it does help that effect doesn't last long. As for demons, I've found if you believe you are cursed/hexed/have demons then your mind can trick you to thinking you are right. For example, if I failed a test, hurt my leg, and lost something important to me then my mind would see all the bad and need a reason for it, a curse perhaps? After that thought crosses my mind I'd take every single negative thing and turn it to the 'curse.' Really it could all be coincidence, but my mind would be set to the fact I'm cursed. Now it could just be bad luck, or there really could be something going on. If you believe you are cursed or have an evil spirit then there's several things you could do. One I've used to remove negative energies is a ritual bath. I take sea salt (for protection) and put a good amount in bath water, I normally add mint (calm/antianger) and sage (more protection/also health and happiness) in too, but it'll be okay if you don't add them. If you add those too then put them in a coffee filter and tie it closed so you aren't picking out little pieces of herbs or stuffing up your pipes. Then I visualise all negative energies exiting me and going into the water and being absorbed by the salt. Once I have emptied myself of all of the negative I normally unplug the water and let all the negative wash down the drain. Then I turn on my shower and let more water go over me and see the water as positive energy which I absorb. (The property I always see with water is healing, so it works very well) It sounds a little complicated, but it's really easy actually. Another thing, try to think positive, negative leads to negative. Hope this helps a little!
<3 Butterfly

[Flea]

Thanks.

[WatchfulEyeTheButterfly]

If that doesn't help come back and I'll find someone with another way, I have a few, but most need medetation =/

[Earth Ritual]

I think you know what you need to do to heal yourself.

Having people send you energy will only go so far.

Start with smudging and prayer. Everyday. Especially before sleep. Read the book of psalms when you read the Bible, use them as prayers when you are called.

One of your prayers should address you actually willingness to do whatever it takes completely heal.

Smudge with sage and take a bath with at least one cup of salt. If you cannot find sage tell us your geographical area and city and the people on this site can support you in finding local herbs whose smoke carries protective qualities.

Earth Ritual

[Flea]

Thanks Earth. I've been doing everything you suggested other than the sage. Such as reading/quoting psalms etc. It works great. I use oil instead in a similar fashion to the sage. And it's been working. This is something coming from inside, it hurts awful. It's like having a black dragon inside my heart tearing at me 18 hours a day or more. I'm determined to win against this and will eventually, soon, with divine help. It's just been puzzling that the attack continues, I made every effort to surround myself with positive people too and the relationships just falling apart. I don't have a bathtub for a ritual bath but I did take a shower (Hope that lightens things up.) And I do know what I have to do to heal myself...it's just not an all at once process. Thanks.

[Flea]

I can find sage, may have to go a distance for fresh sage though.

I feel protected it's something lodged in my body I think.

I'll keep looking and praying for answers it'll come to me somehow. Has been incredibly long painful process every once in a while I experience progress/breakthroughs and then my life seems to fall apart, it's some kind of karmic thing that involves not only myself but society around me, is what I've come to believe.

Thank you.

[WatchfulEyeTheButterfly]

I'm pretty sure you only use dry sage in smudging...or I've been doing it wrong...

[Earth Ritual]

Flea,

Dry sage is used in smudging. Any type of sage is used in sage teas.

You can create sage tea and smudge, both with the intention of thorough cleansing and supreme protection.

Foot baths can also help to draw toxicity and or negative spiritual energy out of the body. Basically, get a cup of sea or kosher salt and put it in the water and wash soak your feet. Invoke whatever higher power(s) you believe in and ask for there support in this ritual.

Do this with the intention and the visualization to release the energy from your heart.

Make something that represents this energy and its effect on your life. Create a fire. It could be outside or inside. Through the energy into the fire and purge it if necessary like you are vomiting the energy up. Scream, kick, do what is necessary to have it out.

Take a shower after this and a coupe of salt soaks.

[Flea]

Thanks again Earth Ritual.

I intend to go out and get the materials for the foot bath pretty soon. I kept thinking to myself before I posted on here, I need to get the toxins in my body out, through my feet...but was thinking more along the lines of heavy metals and such not emotions.

I would burn incense here if the fire codes allowed for it. I literally have people ten feet across my hall with big "no smoking/oxygen tank" written on their door. (It doesn't stop them from the occassional cig or medicinal marijuana.)

I guess I bought the wrong kind of sage I am in process of locating source (will probably have to be online) I can buy this stuff in order to try it out. It's like a foreign thing to me, I mean I know the herb but I envision myself looking silly as I slather this greenish gray stuff all over my body. Of course I do a lot of things that look silly, but it's usually when people aren't paying attention.

I'm assuming the sage tea is like something you drink and take internally?
(I will research sage tea later on too.)

I think this attack mostly coming from inside due to past trauma but it's gonna probably reduce the pain to put a salve on it in the right places.

Was feeling good today thanks to positive energy being sent but, later on so bad I thought I'll just buy a pipe and smoke this stuff to clear all the bugs out haha.

One day I'll hopefully get out of this creepy apartment and get a house of my own and be more at liberty in what kind of props I can use for a ritual. Really struggling as I ask myself what I believe at this point also but I know I'll figure it out, that inside I have the keys to healing (keys to the kingdom of heaven as it says in the bible) and victory in one hand and defeated foe in the other. God bless.

[lucky13]

Get incense burn 1. dragon blood, 1. SANDLEWOOD, 1. Sage, and get three black candles, cut off the end with the wick on all three. Write you name and birthdate. But you must focus and believe. If you doubt yourself it won't work to gain confindence light cinnomon incense with three white candles so you can do this before must that the white candles are burned out. Now when ready burn the candles upside down focus see that you life is filled with good things. When everything is down take a bath with white rose pedals and honey.

[crystalw]

I would agree with all of the above - using magic and spiritual healing is a great way to help yourself.

But I would also suggest perhaps a more traditional therapy - standard counselling or psychotherapy. Sometimes all that needs to happen if you bottle things up is just to let them out by talking to someone about them.

And here's why it's important to find someone neutral and unconnected:

Because with anyone else (friend or family), you may find that you feel you have to put on a "front", to pretend that you're OK, or to avoid upsetting yourself or the other person. Or you might not want to tell them some things because they may not know and it might cause trouble.

Whatever the reasons, just being able to say whatever you want without facing repercussions is a fantastic healing device.

It sounds to me like you have had a lot of negative life experiences that are still weighing heavily on your mind. Go and talk to a professional about them. It doesn't mean you're crazy, it just means you want someone impartial to talk to and share things with.

As the old saying goes, "a problem shared is a problem halved".

I wish you the best of luck