wising he killed me

[Zili]

I'm trying so hard right now not to self-harm/injure because i know if I do i wouldn't be able to stop myself and i'm so close to freedom...but all I can think of right now is the pain and agony of the last 24 years. Even sitting here I wish that my rapist succeeded in murdering me like he tried.

i have to remind myself that Michael loves me and i have to hold on for that reason alone.

[Black_Tail]

You are almost free. I would miss you : (

[Zili]

thanks black tail

i think there's something wrong with me because now I'm starting to feel better, i'm having extreme highs and lows with nothing in the middle. it may be due to all the stress with the move...

[Black_Tail]

Probably. "watched eggs don't cook"
Means because the move is so close the tension and enthusiasm is getting high.

[Luna Lisa]

Zili never wish that your rapist would have succeeded. Because then I would have never met you. Zili I have high's and low's too. Zili please. you have come this far and don't give in now. Don't give him the satisfaction of what he did too you ruin your life. Zili don't give in now. Zili im here if you need to talk feel free to pm me. I was an abused kid after all. Hang in there. You'll get free. Your almost done.

[Zili]

I got my driver's license today so I'll be free from all of the actual abuse at 5:30pm when we pack up the cars and head off to my new home

I'm doing much better today.

[Luna Lisa]

that's good Zili. Stay strong your almost done.

[Black_Tail]

Yay and congrats! I'm glad you are safe and sound.

[Zili]

I'm all moved in, I have the ability to tell my mother when I'm leaving a conversation with her, so far so good.

The room mate on the other hand has already started causing problems and she's stealing my boyfriend's money. He already covers all the rent and the bills and she has the balls to steal the last of his money????? She says we all need to sit down and have a talk for the sake of the baby...she couldn't have brought these concerns up before I moved in? She also says we need to put the babys needs before ours (no argument there, its what we are already doing) but she wants Michael to drop everything to listen to her and converse with her when he's trying to take care of his son she stands in the damn way. She's acting the same way the baby's mother acted.

[Black_Tail]

I had a weird sensation when reading this. 0.0''
I got the distinct feeling that she is feeling possessive of him and the baby, like she wants to be the mother. Like you are in her territory, if that makes sense. Sorry, I'm prone to weird flashes of insight.
I know my roommate can't do much on his own, but we've been thinking its time he get butted out soon and learn to take responsibilities.

[Zili]

Thats exactly whats going on. She's bitching all the time that she's being pushed out of the baby's life. My boyfriend is how she pays for everything either letting him pay for it all because he knows she can't afford to, or by taking his money. I'm ruining her lively hood. I'm a threat. *eye roll* She has her own business but its not making her much, she's a mobil pet groomer so she really just needs to get a "real" full time job one that actually pays.

[Black_Tail]

Yeah. I think you better talk to your guy about moving? Or maybe ask her to leave?
Maybe she'll learn something

[Zili]

neither can leave both names are on the lease neither party can afford the cost of breaking the lease early. we are going to buy our own lock box and keep my boyfriend's money in it, and now that I have my license I can go and do the grocery runs and all so the money goes right back in our box...however my boyfriend is thinking of confronting her on it. One thing is for sure and already decided upon months ago, she and her dead beat boyfriend will not be living with us and off of us. BF already has his son enrolled in day care for august.

[Black_Tail]

Sounds like you got everything taken care of. ^^

[Zili]

we just have to wait it out till august looks like we are back to either fighting for our apartment or looking for a new one instead of doing the RV thing