Letting Go Rituals - When does it serve to let go?

[missbelladonna]

Hi everyone. This post will be very personal because I feel like this is a strange situation, and you all always give great advice and I trust you.

When I was seventeen, I was very naive and very depressed. I had a plethora of what we call "daddy issues." I had never had a healthy relationship with a male. It wasn't long before someone took advantage of that. My "best friend"s dad became my "boyfriend." It seemed fine at first, but the more I look back at it, the more I realize that he had manipulated and extorted me.

When my mother found out, she was livid. I'm from a Pakistani family, and it would have been unacceptable for me to be involved with anyone this way, not matter how old they were. I didn't tell her the full extent of what happened or how badly I felt abused by him because she would just blame me for it. She thought I was just being promiscuous because I was the one who started flirting with him. I kept crying out for him because my mother was so angry and I was so brainwashed, and at least he had tricked me into feeling safe with him.

It was a horrible year where I would find every way to talk to him behind her back as much as I could and he continued to manipulate me without actually seeing my face. I found out that he had been physically abusive to my best friend and she told me that he was into hard drugs. That's when I cut him off for good, healed my relationship with my self esteem, focused on my career, and devoted all my time to getting myself to the place I am now, which I am very proud of, two years later.

I told my mom that I had gone behind her back to talk to him, and she wasn't livid again, but I think she was glad that this was over. I don't know if she's still mad at me. Sometimes she'll mention this when she's upset. She'll spit it back at me how I almost ruined my own life and I can't make my own decisions. I tried talking to my sister about it but she said what happened was all my fault.

I want to let go because I held onto this anger for two whole years. I've been a victim for two years, and it is no longer serving me. It used to motivate me to be better, but now it just haunts my dreams. I don't even think my family thinks about it as much as I do, and I think about it every day.

I first wanted to cast a curse on him because he was the reason there's so much tension in my family. Then, I realized that this was not something I believed in. I wonder if there is even tension in my family or I'm the one who is still holding on to the tension from before.

When I first thought about doing a letting go ritual, I thought I'd to it in two years or so when I'd be out of school and move out from home. That way I wouldn't have to ever hear my mother or my sister talk about it because it triggers me. However, would waiting that long just be me running away from it? That way I would never have to speak of it again?

If I did it now, I would be making a conscious decision to forgive myself, forgive my family, and live in the present.

When do you think it serves to let go of this like this?

[SpiritTalker]

I honor you for waking up to the deceitful manipulation & for your emotional maturity in taking responsibility for your own happiness. Letting go of harmful beliefs & thought patterns that shape behavior seems like it's a good step at any time IMO. What do you gain or lose by waiting? Or by acting when you're ready? Hesitation could just be fear of separation from familiar patterns & not knowing what will replace those old ways. Can you imagine the new pattern & replace the old with it? It is a way to get past the resistance.

[SnowCat]

You could work on letting go a little at a time. Make a conscious decision every day to move past what happened, and focus on the present.

[barker]

Letting go has to feel good. That's the key. Any positive intent can actualise this - take it at whatever rate you like.

[missbelladonna]

Thanks for all your support everyone! This was a really hard thing to post on the internet for everyone to see, but I'm glad that I did.

I agree with all of you on taking it at the rate that feels good. I definitely need to work on grounding and reminding myself that I'm here now, and what happened happened a long time ago. I think my family forgives me for lying to them-- and if they don't, they don't talk about it, and that's their burden.

One thing that helps me a lot is just looking forward and keeping a smile on my face.

Thanks again everyone

[Lord_of_Nightmares]

When it no longer serves your highest good, you should let go.