My friend needs help!

[love beats all (;]

My friend has been studying Wicca for almost as long as I have (4years) and she has been really tortured mentally through having to hide everything and stuff. Well, I got an email today saying that her mom found her with incense burning (last night was the full moon) and she thought that she was burning the house down so she threw it all away. Now she's started cutting herself!!! I really wanna tell her to either just tell her parents or give it up until 18 (she's 14 now), your religion shouldn't make you wanna cut yourself! Here's the email

"I was burning inceanse and mom came running in..... she thinks I was
burning the house down. She took everything away from me, and tossed
the inceanse with water. I'm in huge trouble and I cut myself because
I was so upset. I'm in deep shit!"

[shadowx]

Sounds like she has underlying issues already and that she is unable to handle the idea of rejection or the conflict with her parent(s).

Perhaps a break is indeed a good idea but you dont NEED incense, candles etc... they are just like additions.

[Traumwandlerin]

The relationship seems really terrible, when the mother just assumes her daughter want to burn down the house

Maybe she should work on this?

[shadowx]

I think the issue is more about trusting the responsibility of the friend.

The mother seems to assume that the friend (henceforth "she") is incapable of properly managing fire in the sense of matches/lighter used to ignite the incense and/or candles at some stage.

At 14 she is pretty young to be playing with lighters and matches etc... so perhaps she would be better off to designate a safe, fireproof-ish area to use incense and ask the mother for permission to *borrow* a lighter which she will bring back.

Incense itself presents a very low fire risk since it is only smouldering but a highly combustible material could still be set alight if unattended for a few minutes. Perhaps she should get an area like the top of a chest of drawers or shelving unit which is away from any clothes, bed sheets, stacks of paper, books, wallpaper etc... which is flat, varnished wood (or metal/ceramic) and setp a proper incense burner and then explain to the mother than it is safe and cant fall and can she please borrow a lighter to light it. She should then explain that the incense doesnt give off a flame but instead just smoulders with less intensity than a cigarette.

IF the mother is anti-witchcraft she should join this forum so she can talk about her fears. I am more than willing to calm down those who have been brought up to fear witchcraft and im sure many of the other members here would also agree to discuss people's fears.

[Wiccan Wolf]

I agree with shadowx.

Is your friend mature?? Has she proven she can't be responsible with candles and incense?? If so, then please try and see where her mom is coming from. If not, then try to urge her to just talk with her mom.

I'm allowed to burn insence and candles as long as my mom can check to see what I"m doing every now and then, as long as I don't stink up my room, and as long as they're on fire-safe materials.

If her mom still says no, then don't fight. Mom's Rules are Mom's Rules, whether we like them or not. Insence isn't totally nessicary, but it is a nice way to add aroma to your rituals.

As for the cutting, I"m taking your friend's side here. I know it's not good, and try to tell her that it's harmful, but I myself cut. I find it nice that people try to discourage me, but it's MY body I"m doing it to. "I never asked for your opinion, so please don't give it to me." I say that ALL the time.

I hope I can be of some assistance!

[Ember Nightwolf]

I think what your advice was is the best advice, and you should say that to her. The problem here doesn't seem to be her burning incense, but the entire secrecy of her being Wiccan. If she's spent four years hiding it... then either she is perhaps (sincerely, I mean no offense) exaggerating the potential consequences of her coming out, or has a real reason to hide (her parents are witch-haters). Your the one who knows her best, perhaps you could help her come out, if that is what would be best. I'd just do everything possible to support her. Good luck, ENW.