Support/advice: inability to attend grandmother's funeral

[Angel_Beast1221]

Hello all,

My grandmother just passed away on Saturday evening, she lived in North Carolina and I'm in Illinois so I unfortunately won't be able to attend her funeral because of work. It's really bothering me because when my other grandmother passed away two years ago, her and my grandfather attended the funeral up here. I feel like I'm wrong for not being able to go. And besides work I have four dogs, a cat, and a bearded dragon to take care of...

Also, I work in a flower shop and I'm wondering if I should send flowers to my grandfather and aunt, but that feels kind cliche...I'm all messed up right now and don't really know where my head is.

Some background:
My grandmother that just passed was the woman that showed me how to tap into my abilities, she was a Cherokee mountain woman who knew her way around magic and taught me how to connect with the power of the Earth at a very young age. I was living with her and the rest of my family down there for a while and although some horrible things happened to me down there, I can say I am confident in my abilities because of her. She initially opened the "magical door" in my life and now that I am older I can say I'm happy she did.

It was very difficult for me when I heard she had passed and I am the type of person who holds things in until I can't anymore. So maybe letting it out this way and saying what I need to say will be a good thing.

At this point I'm not even sure if I'm making any sense...but I'll post anyway!

~*Blessed be*~

[mrsdavid1975]

Osiyo!

Did she talk to you about dreams?

I come from mountain folks too. My great grandmother was creek ( they're all from the same area here down in the southeast. The creek, Cherokee , and Choctaw .. Creek and Cherokee intermixed often due to land conflicts etc). I was taught probably the same type of things you were. Dreams are a huge deal between our two worlds. Just look for her in your dreams. Even if you don't see her personally, she wil leave you symbols and ' gifts'.

It's so hard when we lose those we love , but you know how our grandmas are .. They don't really fear death , just who they leave behind. She's with creator .

Don't feel guilty about not being able to go to her .. She is connected to you.

( please don't forget to go to water every morning... Take time alone to talk to her. She is there. She's not in that body anymore.


Love and light to you , sister.

[Becks]

Firstly, I'm really sorry for your loss. Grandmums are special people.

Can I ask....do you have a boss that won't let you go? Is there not a friend that can look in on the fur babies? Do you feel better knowing you will be staying home and working? Is that what you need to do for yourself at this difficult time? Will you regret it if you don't go?

I say this only because you don't sound entirely at peace about the way things are unfolding. Nobody is at peace when someone you love dies. I'm not saying this to judge you if you go or don't go. I don't think your Grandmum would want you to be so uncomfortable about it all. I'm just asking some probing questions to maybe help you sort through your own feelings.

Whatever is right for you, and whatever you do decide make sure it's what feels right for you.

I have lost my Grandmum as well, and I know the wave of feelings that come....though I can't ever know your personal experiences.

Can I make a suggestion? After work can you go for a walk, have a bath, or light a candle in the quiet tonight and have a conversation with her about what to do. I guarantee if you make a cup of tea and turn stuff off and just listen to your inner voice and her voice you will know what to do. It's not something we can tell you dear one.

A big hug to you and warm healing thoughts sent your way for clarity.
Be well.

[Becks]

That's very nicely said Mrs. David. That is a special connection you two share.

[mrsdavid1975]

Ooh. And ya. If you have this " thought" that sounds like something she would say ... Even if you ' hear' it in YOUR VOICE , it is still her. They talk to us in our own voices . I've had my passed family talk to me a few times. And I luckily know the difference because it feels almost like someone just gave you advice.

Before my uncle died I was drawn to visit my grandparents at the cemetery. I didn't know where they were buried exactly because I had only been there twice. It was a big cemetery. I was ' led ' STRAIGHT there! I sat down, took off my shoes, had a little ' talk'. And I could hear a thought in my head that said ' keep them all together'. I knew it was them. I said. Ok. I will. I kept visiting my uncle. Thinking well they just want us to spend more time together. But a few months later my uncle died of a heart attack. ( it was an overdose , actually). And at the funeral I heard that again. ' keep them together'. And ' keep smiling'. Uncle butch always called me an angel and told me how much he felt happier when I was around. .. And it was so sweet of him. .. A lot of family on that side called me when they had bad days ... So I guess he just wanted me to smile and keep his funeral not so sad. He always said when he dies he doesn't want everyone crying. He wanted to be buried in his Harley Davidson tee shirt haha. And He wants everyone to have a huge party. We unfortunately didn't have a party for him but for the most part we did our best to talk about the good stuff. And how he was such a prankster we expected him to pop up out of that casket and say. just kidding! Ya were warped. But it fit him. Heh.

Sorry for rambling, but the point is.. No matter what. Listen for her. She may even come to you in smells. ( meemaw comes to me on the scent of clean air and her kitchen smelling of sweet tea. It's a VERY distinct scent ) Or uncle butch drops me white feathers. And certain songs will play on tv or radio etc. ( we connected through music .. He taught me to play guitar and was always asking me why I am not famous hahaha. ).


They don't leave us. And they keep their funny little personality things. A prankster is a prankster and a loving grandmother will make you feel like you're wrapped in a hug.


And thank you , Becks. [TWO HEARTS]

[evil ed]

Angel,
I'm going to chime in with my 2 cents worth.
1) She has "passed on", but she is not "gone". Part of her is with you, and when called upon, more of her will answer the call. I agree with Becks about lighting a candle, (make it a "ritual" if you like, with incence, an altar, offerings, etc..., or a single candle in a otherwise dark place will do ) and open up to her. She will hear, she will feel, and both of you will know.

2) Do not judge yourself unkindly if you cannot go. The body is there, but she is not. Part of her is with you, and the others she loved here. Feel that comfort, isn't that what she would want you to feel?

3) Do not allow others to judge you harshly if you are unable to go. This type of criticisim is nothing more than a way to control and manipulate. Don't let them. You know them, and you know YOU. Do not get in a fight with them over this. Simply consider the source, and go on with those things thst are important.

4)If you have not already done so, start your own "Book of Shadows". Write down the things she taught you, and the things she will teach you. Go back and reread them from time to time, and if you hear a little laugh or chuckle on the breeze, you can tell youeself "it's just the wind and my imagination" (right..... you know better! ).

E.E.

[mrsdavid1975]

Angel,
I'm going to chime in with my 2 cents worth.
1) She has "passed on", but she is not "gone". Part of her is with you, and when called upon, more of her will answer the call. I agree with Becks about lighting a candle, (make it a "ritual" if you like, with incence, an altar, offerings, etc..., or a single candle in a otherwise dark place will do ) and open up to her. She will hear, she will feel, and both of you will know.

2) Do not judge yourself unkindly if you cannot go. The body is there, but she is not. Part of her is with you, and the others she loved here. Feel that comfort, isn't that what she would want you to feel?

3) Do not allow others to judge you harshly if you are unable to go. This type of criticisim is nothing more than a way to control and manipulate. Don't let them. You know them, and you know YOU. Do not get in a fight with them over this. Simply consider the source, and go on with those things thst are important.

4)If you have not already done so, start your own "Book of Shadows". Write down the things she taught you, and the things she will teach you. Go back and reread them from time to time, and if you hear a little laugh or chuckle on the breeze, you can tell youeself "it's just the wind and my imagination" (right..... you know better! ).

E.E.

Yep. * points up*. This

[SnowCat]

I agree with the advice everyone else provided. I also think that the flowers would be a nice gesture. The people who matter won't care so much, but the buttinskis will notice that you tried to do something. Sometimes making a small but visible statement is important in this crazy world.

Snow

[Angel_Beast1221]

Osiyo!

Did she talk to you about dreams?

I come from mountain folks too. My great grandmother was creek ( they're all from the same area here down in the southeast. The creek, Cherokee , and Choctaw .. Creek and Cherokee intermixed often due to land conflicts etc). I was taught probably the same type of things you were. Dreams are a huge deal between our two worlds. Just look for her in your dreams. Even if you don't see her personally, she wil leave you symbols and ' gifts'.

It's so hard when we lose those we love , but you know how our grandmas are .. They don't really fear death , just who they leave behind. She's with creator .

Don't feel guilty about not being able to go to her .. She is connected to you.

( please don't forget to go to water every morning... Take time alone to talk to her. She is there. She's not in that body anymore.


Love and light to you , sister.

Thank you for the wonderful advice! She did teach me A LOT about dreams, so that is something I will have to try!

[Angel_Beast1221]

Firstly, I'm really sorry for your loss. Grandmums are special people.

Can I ask....do you have a boss that won't let you go? Is there not a friend that can look in on the fur babies? Do you feel better knowing you will be staying home and working? Is that what you need to do for yourself at this difficult time? Will you regret it if you don't go?

It's not that my boss won't let me go, I work in a very busy flower and gift shop and we have 5 huge weddings and a homecoming this week so things are absolutely insane at work. Me leaving would be a great stress on the store and I would feel guilty leaving my co-workers to handle my responsibilities. Also I am in a rough financial situation and staying and working would be the best thing for me to do for myself. I don't believe I will regret it if I don't go, like evil ed said she is here with me, it's just her body. And my grandfather understands why I wouldn't be able to make it. So I suppose I am feeling a little better about not being able to go.

[Angel_Beast1221]

Angel,
I'm going to chime in with my 2 cents worth.
1) She has "passed on", but she is not "gone". Part of her is with you, and when called upon, more of her will answer the call. I agree with Becks about lighting a candle, (make it a "ritual" if you like, with incence, an altar, offerings, etc..., or a single candle in a otherwise dark place will do ) and open up to her. She will hear, she will feel, and both of you will know.

2) Do not judge yourself unkindly if you cannot go. The body is there, but she is not. Part of her is with you, and the others she loved here. Feel that comfort, isn't that what she would want you to feel?

3) Do not allow others to judge you harshly if you are unable to go. This type of criticisim is nothing more than a way to control and manipulate. Don't let them. You know them, and you know YOU. Do not get in a fight with them over this. Simply consider the source, and go on with those things thst are important.

4)If you have not already done so, start your own "Book of Shadows". Write down the things she taught you, and the things she will teach you. Go back and reread them from time to time, and if you hear a little laugh or chuckle on the breeze, you can tell youeself "it's just the wind and my imagination" (right..... you know better! ).

E.E.

Thank you evil ed, this really helped!

[Becks]

I was thinking about you and I'm so glad that you know what you need to do for you. My thoughts are with you!

[Angel_Beast1221]

Becks, that means a lot. It's nice to know that the affirmations I have been feeling are not just from people close to me. Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts!

[mrsdavid1975]

Just letting you know I was thinking about ya. Hope you're ok. * hugs*

[Angel_Beast1221]

thanks mrsdavid, its funny you posted on this thread (I don't necessarily believe in coincidences) I was thinking about both of my grandmothers who passed away. I spoke with my mother about both of them, and I just randomly called my mother out of the blue to talk to her not knowing about what, and it was very emotional for us both. I am in a difficult mood today. thank you for the thoughts. *hugs back*