Hello. I'm Andrew

[ChosenUndead]

So this is to be a introduction I suppose.
My name is Andrew McGowan. I'm 21 and I live in Texas. I'm Native American, and have black hair tan and reddish skin, and brown eyes with gold and Amber. I'm a college student at Hardin Simmons University where I'm a dual major studying psychology and philosophy as my majors. I'm going through a time of self discovery. I've always believed there was more then what my empirical senses could tell me. I've seen things that still haunt me that don't make sense. But now I want answers. I want control so there doesn't have to be fear. And it turns out my mother knows what I'm going through she went through the same thing at my age. But she won't help me she wants me to forget it and ignore it. She did something and she believes it's the reason for her injuries, and that I'll be in danger too, because she practiced black magic. So I've been trying to teach myself but shifting through the nonsense and the fanatic exaggeration, through all the lies and conspiracy, well is difficult for someone who's just trying to enter this world. And my research led me to communing with spirits. I didn't know how so I would just empty my mind as best as I could focusing on the void. And throwing my thoughts and emotions into it. And I got a response. Or I think I did? I've developed a little voice in my head that I can ask for guidance who uses logic to sooth my raging emotions and shows me the path to take. And I see a black wolf in my reflection and several times in a dream. It terrifies me I'm afraid of it but it feels friendly and warm and is always there. I looked it up and it's supposed to be a teacher. Here to help me and my father has seen it to for most of his life I'm told. So I've tried to speak to her. But no matter how hard I focus I can't hear her! No matter how hard I want to ,or how blank I leave my mind, or even how many times I dream.
So that's why I'm here I need help. I'm desperate something personal in my life has become very urgent and I feel like the answers I need are with this wolf and the keys to the wolf are here.
Please don't ignore me please guide me I may be untrusting but I am ready to listen and I'm ready to do what ever it takes.

[bluejay_1919]

Hi there, fellow Texan. Nice to meet another Indian too:) how lovely that the black wolf is your spirit guide.

In my experience, animal spirit guides will come to you when they need to...it can't be forced, or shouldn't be. If you have a question for her, try meditation, but don't force that either. Don't make trying to connect with her a chore or job. Try 5 or 10 minutes a day, of sitting in silence, inside or outside. Present yourself and be respectful to her. She will help you when it is time. Maybe the urgency or impatience is keeping her away. I hope this helps. I'm sure many others can enlighten you more. But I'm very close with my animal spirit guides.

Take care of yourself-

[Becks]

Hi Andrew. A big welcome to you. You won't be ignored.

[ChosenUndead]

Thank both of you so much for your replies I'm very scared right now.

And blue jay I've tried meditation. Well I tried recreating what I was told meditation is.
But I just can't focus on her I can't hear her and the urgency comes from the idea that she could help me. Something I desperately need right now

[ChosenUndead]

Also I've never been on a forum so if I need to take this specific conversation somewhere else or if anyone would like to ask me something I might have left out of my intro feel free to I'm very much unaware of what to do now that I'm here.

[Becks]

Don't be afraid. We can figure this out.

[YanaKhan]

Welcome aboard! Please, look around and jump right in.

[ChosenUndead]

Thank you! I'm looking at several tabs in the forum already especially the one on spirits.

[ChosenUndead]

A thing with me is that I'm still trying to accept this still looking for answers.
So I am a bit of a skeptic for example I wanted to message about getting a reading possibly but I didn't believe I'd get a real one

[YanaKhan]

Keep in mind we encourage our members to interact with the forum for a while in order to receive a reading, but once you have been here for a while and make meaningful posts (including questions) to the board, you can get a reading and then you can decide if it's what you expected.
I can tell what I received from our members made a lot of sense.
Anyway, feel free to jump right into discussing anything of interests or ask all the questions you feel like asking. We are here to help.

[ChosenUndead]

Thank you I'm kinda just exploring at the moment. There's so much here and I love it all truly.

[Vendredi]

Hi Andrew! It's nice to meet you.

I feel bluejay shared some very wise words. Present yourself, and listen. It's very hard to quiet our fears and desperation, I realize. And I've never found a quick fix; rather I've practiced and practiced the art of silencing the monkey chatter (and still practicing, some days are better than others.)

I wish you peace, Andrew. Welcome.

[ChosenUndead]

I will continue to endeavor

[SnowCat]

Welcome Andrew. I understand how startling it seems to see an animal looking at you from the mirror. Mine is a cat. Not rainbow like my avatar, but quite feline. I also had the experience of seeing my fox self a couple of years ago. She had the white streak in her fur, that I have in my hair.

The little voice takes some getting used to as well. Especially for someone majoring in a science discipline. Is it real? Am I hearing it because I want to? What's really happening? Does that about cover it? Keep breathing. Ask questions. Share as much as you feel comfortable with.

Snow

[RosieMoonflower]

Hello and welcome, from another Native American and southerner!

Rosie