This is one of my songs that I wrote mainly when i was in a rek..plz tell me wot u think of them...mabe i could improve i dunno..
Awakening from this pain
Your presence surrounds me
Ambushed by the shame you put me through
Your shadows consume my dreams
The night is still young
But i'm losing my faith to carry on
Because i'm dying and fighting
To find my way back home
Tell me is this my punishment?
There's nothing more I can do
Crying but these tears won't melt away
Is there nothing left to say
Can I be forgiven?
Lord have you any mercy in me?
My suicide my tormented mind
Reaching for deliverance
Of this night
You made me feel unreal
Was captivated in my dreams
This hollowness inside of me
Screaming for another day
Hoping the darkness would fade away
But everytime I just fall beneath my self
Yet i'm still standing
Immersed in all my chaotic fears.
poetry/song lyrics
if poetry comes from the heart and it what you feel in words then it is perfect and doesnt need to be changed.
i may be looking into things a bit too much but thats what they teach us to do in advanced english.
basically i find it very bland, but at the same time this is what makes it beautiful because it is coming from a place of depression(which isnt usually among the most exciting places) and usually enjoyable poetry has some sort of flair which this lacks which in so saying makes it stand out. it sounds like you are lost but you actually know where you are but not where to go. if i was a teacher i would probably give it a 7/10. i love how deceptive this poem is.
like i said above, i may be seeing things that arent there but lol i cant help it anymore.
i may be looking into things a bit too much but thats what they teach us to do in advanced english.
basically i find it very bland, but at the same time this is what makes it beautiful because it is coming from a place of depression(which isnt usually among the most exciting places) and usually enjoyable poetry has some sort of flair which this lacks which in so saying makes it stand out. it sounds like you are lost but you actually know where you are but not where to go. if i was a teacher i would probably give it a 7/10. i love how deceptive this poem is.
like i said above, i may be seeing things that arent there but lol i cant help it anymore.
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[pixiedust]
Reply
if poetry comes from the heart and it what you feel in words then it is perfect and doesnt need to be changed.
i may be looking into things a bit too much but thats what they teach us to do in advanced english.
basically i find it very bland, but at the same time this is what makes it beautiful because it is coming from a place of depression(which isnt usually among the most exciting places) and usually enjoyable poetry has some sort of flair which this lacks which in so saying makes it stand out. it sounds like you are lost but you actually know where you are but not where to go. if i was a teacher i would probably give it a 7/10. i love how deceptive this poem is.
like i said above, i may be seeing things that there but lol i cant help it anymore.
No it's ok it's a fair opinion anyways it's nt actually a poem it's song lyrics i have recorded a piano version bt i'm stil working on it thnx for saying it's beautiful..lol...i am nt a very imaginative person i basically just think something up and write it down then change it later..
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mage
´Cause Truth hurts
Rainy day and silver clouds
those perfect crystals those perfect sounds.
Lying on a grass so green
like tears of sky, on me are seen.
Crying 'cause the world is hurt
full of hate and full of dirt.
We kill each-other
We kill our fun
...written in blood...
...what's done is done...
We killed our safety
we killed our peace
we need some joy
that’s what we miss.
Mindless people just went by
my tears appear- again I cry.
Their life is lost
Lost in pain
will they be dead
or I insane
We killed our being
we’re already dead
so keep on living
in a lie- instead!!
Why should we keep on living in a lie?
Just read the title- yes that is why!!
coments?
Rainy day and silver clouds
those perfect crystals those perfect sounds.
Lying on a grass so green
like tears of sky, on me are seen.
Crying 'cause the world is hurt
full of hate and full of dirt.
We kill each-other
We kill our fun
...written in blood...
...what's done is done...
We killed our safety
we killed our peace
we need some joy
that’s what we miss.
Mindless people just went by
my tears appear- again I cry.
Their life is lost
Lost in pain
will they be dead
or I insane
We killed our being
we’re already dead
so keep on living
in a lie- instead!!
Why should we keep on living in a lie?
Just read the title- yes that is why!!
coments?
-
mage
ammm- hmm; i have no idea how to understand your comment- do you mean it or are you joking...sorry but really I'm not shure, but i belive that you wouldn't make such jokes...
yes- I wrote that some time ago, when I was very, very sad, because I was quiet for some time and I was just watching all the people who went by... everywhere I looked I saw something that told me, that we are killing our planet- we are killing it's soul... I felt like I was the Earth and was just crying all the time- just like the Earth had some felings...
sounds odd- i know, but i couldn't help it... it's how i feel.
yes- I wrote that some time ago, when I was very, very sad, because I was quiet for some time and I was just watching all the people who went by... everywhere I looked I saw something that told me, that we are killing our planet- we are killing it's soul... I felt like I was the Earth and was just crying all the time- just like the Earth had some felings...
sounds odd- i know, but i couldn't help it... it's how i feel.
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