Love is Blood

[TheFireWithin]

If love were blood, you are a vampire,
You sucked me dry,
and left me to die.
The brittle taste of death in my mouth, I choke on the blood I have left and spit it into my hands.
I hold it close to me, and never let it go.
Suicide slides to my thoughts, and the death seems better that way,
A knife, a few inches away, the blood shines on it after I touch it. When I stare at the knife, it screams "Death! Death! Death!"
Death. The word echos in my mind, tastes bitter in my mouth, feels cold in my hands. It chokes through my throat. Blood comes, the last of it, then the word.
Death.
The knife to my throat, blood on my lips,
A thirst for blood.
I want it.
I need it.
I can't live without it.
Death.


I was in a dark mood when I wrote it, so.....

[Sobek]

Dark? are you sure?

im not reading dark, im seeing a state of apathy you are trying to make more then it is.

[Sercee]

Very gothic, a little dramatized.

I like how it's laid out in the last half, this is a piece that if you worked with it (and simplified some of the lines) you could make it sound really neat (one of the infrequent times I'll go against my preferences of not messing with it).

If you're going for dramatic you're on the right track. If you're going for dark, you're off the mark and just hitting morbid.

[[Enlightenment]]

Well yes, it is deep! Hope no one is suicidal on here because that could of just topped em off

[TheFireWithin]

No suicide for me, just very heart-broken. Not really going for dark, but when I reread it, I thought it sounded dark. Thank you for you help though!

[Sobek]

i think i just have a general dislike of "death" poems, you know through school we were forced to read alot of poems the other kids in class wrote and to get good marks they attempted to write depressing poems about death and decay and by the end of it they were just so god damn blah, then when we did the more "famous" (if they can so be called) poets we did war poetry which was extreme death and decay then we did depressed drug addicts which was more death but instead of decay they had a needle in thier arm and it just grew very tiresome, so dont take too much notice of my critique as i was undoubtedly over critical.

like i dont mind dark, in fact i love it, but it doesnt have to die to be dark