Another frustration needing advice

[Wolf Heart]

As some of you may know from an earlier post of mine I am having a great deal of trouble with the girl who has been my "bestfriend" since I was a freshmen in highschool. I have stated before how I've often felt used by her, and that she continuiously treats me like a child. I had decided I would no longer speak with her, since I was very upset with her. So here's where my new story begins.

Just this past week she called me up and was crying saying she was scared for her life and needed my help. I drove about an hour and a half away and picked her up and brought her to my home. I was mad at her, but I'm not going to turn my back on someone who really needs me. Once she got here she explained to me that her boyfriend had been threatening her, saying that if she ever left him he'd either kill her, beat her, or make her life a living hell. She also went on to tell me how he had gotten extremely mad at her because she would not let him do coke, as he'd been an addict years before.

Needless to say I was very worried for her. I traveled back to her Aunt's home (where she lives) to stay with her that night to make sure things would be okay. As soon as we arrived she was wanting to see him and be with him. I couldn't understand this. I ended up arguing with the guy quite a bit, and the next morning I left before they woke up.

Now I have found out that she has moved out of her Aunt's home because she says there is too much "drama" and has instead moved in with her boyfriend. Now this I simply just cannot understand. She was telling me how much she wanted out and was scared, so she moves in with him!

I finally gave up on her and decided to say what exactly was on my mind. I may have insulted her, but it's not as though she hasn't done the same. She has also accused me of being "blind" to the situation and saying that I deserted her and wasn't there for her when she needed me. I'm not sure what to do. I'm so angry with her, and I don't really consider her my friend anymore, but I am still extremely worried about her being in this situation.

Any thoughts, adivce or anything will be appreciated. Sorry that this is so long, I just needed somewhere to vent and explain things I suppose.

Blessed Be,
Wolf Heart

[[EarthWitch]]

In most co-dependent relationships, there is relatively nothing you can do until the person sees for themself that they are in a bad relationship and that they are enabling the other person to do whatever it is that they do. Fear can also make someone do crazy things as well. I have found that if advice is offered, the person usually ends up becoming angry because "you don't understand" and most of the time they truly do not want advice just a sounding board. Also most of the time I have found that if you "side" with them against whomever it is what they are angry at (boyfriend, girlfriend) they usually always go back to them and end up being angry at you for "the awful things you said about their other person, even if you didn't say anything; just agreeing with them makes you the bad person. It is a messy situation. All you can hope for is that with meditation and prayer for the persons safety and that the Goddess will keep them safe and help them open their eyes to what is truly going on. You can offer to be there for the person, but keeping your emotions and advice inc check, or you can choose to tell them that you can no longer be hurt in that way. It is hard. Blessings to you. It is a hurtful situation for you, I'm sure.

[Witchy Woman]

I have a friend like this. Now she hasn't come to me telling me that she needs me to help her yet, but she is involved with some pretty bad stuff. You can't really do anything about it. If someone wants help, they must first help themselves. All you can really do is let them go.

[Mycroft]

Cliché, but I have a friend like that too. Leave her be. Some people are best left alone, until they hit their head on their own actions. If she wanted to see him and be with him, chances are they won't break up if he doesn't want to.

Good luck with it, but I would suggest that you don't try too hard.


Mycroft