The elements

Post your poems here. If you post a poem by another author, which is fine, please give the author's name if you know it.
JacklynSnyder1o1
Posts: 135
Joined: Fri Nov 23, 2007 10:46 am
Gender: Female
Location: Turn around...slowly.
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The elements

Postby JacklynSnyder1o1 » Mon Dec 03, 2007 11:16 pm

Fire:
Burning with desire
Red with love
Hot with anger
Kinetic with energy

Earth:
Strong
Sturdy
Part of mother nature.

Water:
Flowing
Energetic
Part of everything on Earth

Air:
Free
Fresh
Crisp
The breath of mother nature

Spirit:
Can come free or held down.
What allows you to dance in the rain.
Innocence.
The only thing that one can lose that makes one nothing but a soulless body.
---
To feel like
Feeling like a teargas
Which slides like an hybrid emotion
To feel like
Feeling like a teargas
Which hurts like artificial love
-♥

jcrowfoot
Posts: 1444
Joined: Sat Dec 23, 2006 6:51 pm
Gender: Female
Location: Highland, IN

Postby jcrowfoot » Tue Dec 04, 2007 8:01 am

I dunno why, but the last line on "Spirit" doesn't really scan.

Something like: "[Only] without this are we truly empty" or something like that would work better.

Otherwise, I like this bunch best of what I've seen so far. I think these would make great quarter calls! Sometimes I think that people get too.... wordy and not impressionistic enough in their quarter calls.

JacklynSnyder1o1
Posts: 135
Joined: Fri Nov 23, 2007 10:46 am
Gender: Female
Location: Turn around...slowly.
Contact:

Postby JacklynSnyder1o1 » Tue Dec 04, 2007 11:53 am

Thanks jcrowfoot!=D
I was having trouble with the last line. I didn't know how to express it. I'm glad you liked it!
---
To feel like
Feeling like a teargas
Which slides like an hybrid emotion
To feel like
Feeling like a teargas
Which hurts like artificial love
-♥


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